Sleuth Home - Ask Shady
You Can't Always Gets What You Wants
My felicitations for da New Year to one and all. I looks forward to doin business with youse all at some point in da not too distant future!
So has you all mades your New Years Resolutions? Maybe you has promised your muddas and your faddas to be extra nice. Maybe you have promised dat certain someone to be extra naughty! Maybe you thinks you can climb da ladder of Sleuthville's brightest (and I uses the word loosely) and finest, and get da goods, da cash, da kudos. Shady doubts it, but go aheads, try by all means.
Resolutions are for dose dat don't got what dey want.
But den dat's how we rolls, aint it. We always want what we don't got or can't have.
Takes Misouri Snape for instance: "Renew the cases faster?" Dat's all dey write. "Renew da cases faster?" Hey Snape... Renew dis!
mackenziegrace11 axed me "Can you hurry and answer my last question please?" Sir William Weine similarly like axes "Why don't you ever answer my questions?" You both is assumin one thing... dat your questions is worth answerin'! If Shady don't answer, Shady got a reason, and it aint lack o'time or inclination. Might be Weiner that I will answer some of your questions some day... some day!
Likewise you bums always wants to know more about Shady, and to tells you da truth, you has been told a lots already. You wanna know some about Shady, try readin what I wrotes before, coz some of youse sound like a broken record player.
tucker69 axed me "Can we see a picture of how you really look like?", and dat is fair enough. Don't mean I is gonna send you an autygraph on a 6 x 8 glossy though. Shady don't show no-one what he looks like for good reason. How would you likes it if you went outs to get your bottle of milk in da mornin and looked up to see your next door neighbour smilin back at you over da fence, and realisin it is yours truly? Shady learnt long ago dat if he wants to keep the Real Estate prices in his neighbourhood on the up, and he don't wants the cops snoopin round his back yard, best the locals dont know who he is.
Wanna look at pictures go talk to Miss Molly Maltese. She has got a collection of photygraphs of herself, in assorted styles and poses (I leaves the rest up to your imaginations) that she has been displayin to anyone what'll look. Miss Molly axed me recently "Riza Hawkeye says Im not pretty enough for you. Is this true?" I don't know if bein pretty enough for yours truly counts for naught in the da greater scheme of things. You could be a peg-legged bearded lady from da circus for all I care. Not that you aint a fine lookin dame and all - a fine lookin dame indeed - but, and I've said it before, I charge what I charge, and my fees don't change for a pretty face.
Maybe Josee Nin is a bit confused on dis issue too. She writes:
"Dear Mister Shady, Why do you want my Mummy to shake her pom poms at you?
P.S. Please don't tell Mummy that I was reading her mail over her shoulder! She'd get mad at me then. Thank you!
Bein as the aforementioned Josee is only 8, I aint goin into the finer details of dis answer, exceptin to say, dat it aint got nothin to do with lowerin Shady's prices Josee... it's err... more about inflation. You can ask your mudda about dat one. Heck, maybe even Shady wants what he cants have occasionally.
Even de esteemed Heimlich Von Maneuver, who presents himself as havin more clues dan da average Joe on da streets, is axin for somethin'. "Since my agency seems to be married to false accusations, is there any way we could get a group rate or a season pass of some sort?" Albeit da gentleman is axin' somewhat altruistically, but it still don't make no sense to Shady. Heimlich, I know what you is thinkin, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'. But heck if this aint the age of da autymobile. Shoot da nag and buy a convertible. If your agents are bums, get new agents. Capice?
Shady thinks maybe it's time for youse schleps to take stock of what youse got and be thankful. Sometimes life is about keepin your nose clean and your hands in your pockets (ponder dat little contradiction if youse like) and not so much about keepin up wid da Joneses or fillin yer coffers.
Even Shady acknowledges, begrudgingly, dat Sleuthville aint such a bad place to be at da moment. Bizness has certainly picked up at da back of da bar. Dere aint no shortage of things for youse louses to do right now, so rather dan askin for more, and wantin to improve or change what has just come about, why don't youse take a moment to just ... well... be!
Sure, you can't always gets what you want, but you can sure as heck revel in what dere is.
Shady has left da building.
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