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Shady Character Da World is Full of Pirates

I'm sure youse will all be filled wit joy ta know I have returned to da scene of da crime. I tell ya, I could barely get into my apartment, what wit all da piles of love letters youse guys have been sendin to me. Dey was all blockin my door, makin me climb tru da window. It wasn't no fun, but I gotta tell ya how good it is dat I got an 'in' wit da cops.

Judgin from some of dese notes, youse are all dyin' ta know where I been. Well, I'll tell ya. Youse were all gettin so careless back in da day dat I had some cash ta spare, so I decided a little vacation was in order. I took off on what dey call da "Grand Tour", all around da world. I woulda been back sooner if dose pirates picked anudder ship ta bother.

Havin' never learned me no Hostage Negotiation skills (bein too long in da tooth and too tight in da pocket), I had ta exercise my udder 'subtle charms' ta gets me where I needed ta go. Crack a few skulls, roll a few loaded dice, dat's my kinda negotiation. Heck, dose Pirates ain't a bad bunch. Dose of us in da shakedown bizness know a brudda in arms when we sees one.

Anyways, tourin' da world ain't cheap, booze and broads takes dere toll on da hip pocket, so Shady's back, waitin' for youse careless gimps ta make me rich again. And since I'll be takin all da cash I can from youse guys, I guess I can grace youse all wit my invaluable knowledge once again.

You know where ta find me. Just Ask Shady.

Now I gots to go find me my cousin Louie, da lousy little gimp. I left him in charge of da bizness and your hard earned dough, and all I got left is a bar tab da size of which makes me think he has been livin' large on my generosity. Dat, and a note sayin', "See ya in da soup."

I didn't bring Louie back no souvenir, but I might rustle him up a nice set of cement boots if he ain't careful.


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