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Jan-24-2007 23:11



Jan-25-2007 19:06

that's why i used to like watching "kids say the darndest things" because they really do, and it's funny...


Jan-25-2007 21:35

Ahh, yes...children are entertaining.

I am happy with my one and thankfully, I normally date people who don't want children. I guess if I could be convinced, I might change my mind but it would take a lot

Another thing that is funny is the birds and the bees talk. My daughter asked me, "When do the machines come in?"

Safety Officer

Jan-25-2007 22:49

I've had this one i my emaisl a few times recently..

A 4th grade class was asked to get their parent to tell them a story with a moral. When they came back to school the next day, Ms. Jones asked them to share their stories. Little Mary was first.

"My mommy told me a story about farming. We own a farm where we raise chickens, and one time, we had three dozen eggs in a basket, and we put that basket in the truck, and we drove to the market. On the way, we went over a big bump, and all the eggs cracked and made a big mess."

"And what was the moral?" Ms. Jones asked.

"Never put all your eggs in one basket." Mary chimed.

"Good. Now, Mark, what was your story?" Ms. Jones asked.

"My daddy told me a story about chicken farming too. One time, we got eight eggs from one chicken, but only seven off them hatched. The moral of my story is don't count your chickens before they hatch."

"Good. Johnny, would you like to share your story?"

"My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Rose. She was a pilot in World War Two, and she ran out of fuel right over enemy territory. All she had in the plane was a parachute, a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun with 70 bullets, and a machete. She jumped out of the plane, and drank the whiskey on the way down. She landed right in
front of 100 enemy troops. She killed the first 70 with the gun, then she killed 20 with the machete, then it broke, and she killed the last 10 with her bare hands."

"My goodness! What is the moral of this horrible story?" Ms. Jones cried, horrified.

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Rose when she's been drinking!"


Jan-25-2007 23:03

A little kitten got lost in the park and felt hungry after a while. She did notice the park was inhibited by lots of birds though. It so happened she spotted a pigeon with a broken wing. An easy prey so it seemed.

But then our little kitten spotted a big fat duck near the pont and it just seemed bigger and yummier to devour this duck instead of that pigeon. Our kitten assumed the position to sneak on the duck and with all her might she jumped right at him only to find out the duck outsmarted her so she ended up in the pont, poor kitty......

Moral of the story?

After some careful deliberation with myself I think it's best to ask me by PM

Sleuth Sindy
Sleuth Sindy
Pinball Wizard

Jan-26-2007 00:41

My sister was in the Navy for several years as a single mother. I lived with my sister and my niece for a few of those years and helped care for my niece. One day shortly after I started living with them, Iwas taking my niece (she was 5 at the time) to school in the morning, and she looked at me and asked, "Tita, why don't you wear an outfit to work?"

It took me a few minutes to realize she was asking me why I didn't wear a "uniform" to work like her mother did. With an inward smile, I explained to her that not everybody wore a "uniform" to work, and that I didn't have to. Her little face scrunched up in thought and then cleared, and she looked at me with those wonderful child's eyes and asked me, "Is that what your Captain told you?"


Jan-26-2007 01:53

Sleuth Cindy, I can imagine. I grew up around an Air Force Base.

There is one thing I wish I didn't have to daughter and I were playing pool on our pool table and I kept hearing "Oh Snap" from one of her favorite TV shows. That is been an overused expression

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Jan-26-2007 05:43

Thinking about The Office and David Brent always cracks me up. (Sorry guys, the real Office, what is that American crap?)

Anyhow, here go some quotes:

David: "If we're facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking"
Tim: "Yep, very nice. You're quite a philosopher"
David: "Well, it's just that... I think that our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall"
Tim: "Are you reading these?"
David: "Am I what?!"
Tim: "Reading the quotes"
David: "Sort of..."

Tim: “I live with my parents.”
David: “Cherish them. Both of mine are dead. Well, my dad’s not dead, but in a home, so good as.”

“If a military man like you, a soldier, er, could you give a man a lethal blow?”
“If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary, if he was attacking me.”
“If he was coming, really hard?”
“Yeah, if my life was in danger, yeah.”
“And do you always imagine doing it face to face with a bloke, or could you take man from behind?”
“Either ways easy.”
“So you could take a man from behind?”
(Dawn, Tim and Gareth)

David: “There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I’ll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there’s nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It’s like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go ‘ooh, look at him, he’s not able-bodied. I am, I’m prejudiced.’ Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he’s not, it’s difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.”

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Jan-26-2007 05:46

David, getting quite emotional.:
“This is the poem Slough, by Sir John Betjemen, probably never been here in his life. ‘Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough, it isn’t fit for humans now.’ Right, I don’t think you solve town planning problems by dropping bombs all over the place, he’s embarrassed himself there. Next ‘In labour saving homes with care, their wives frizz out peroxide hair, and dry it in synthetic air, and paint their nails-’ they wanna look nice, what’s the matter, doesn’t he like girls? ‘And talks of sports and makes of cars, and various bogus Tudor bars, and daren’t look up and see the stars, but belch instead.’ What's he on about? What, has he never burped? ‘Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough, to get it ready for the plough. The cabbages are coming now, the earth exhales-’ He’s the only cabbage round here. And they made him a night of the realm. Overrated.”

Old Shoe

Jan-26-2007 10:15

And that's all I have to say!!!

Lucky Stiff

Jan-26-2007 10:31

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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