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Feb-4-2007 23:55

The quotable missus, during the final quarter of the Super Bowl:

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, I get it so shut up. This is the last down, and a down is like a chance. If they don't move ten yards in the direction they want to go in four chances they lose possession of the ball. There a four quarters in a game. Stop laughing; you're laughing at me. Shut up. How many downs til they get the new quarterback? Oh that man caught the ball even though he wasn't a Chicago player, now he's running the other way. I think Indianapolis will win this game."

*will let this settle before he complicates things with CFL rules*

heard anything quotable lately?

Apr-21-2007 10:44

Overheard in Crunchpatty's little home office: (yes, it's bugged)

*loud snickers and giggles*
This'll be so great! I'll post about two stoned stockboys...
*more giggles*
...and they'll never know that Stoned stockboy #1 was me!!!!
*more giggles, some coughing, and a gurgle*

May-17-2007 23:26

OK for the record I have never been a stoned stockboy.

Stoned barista? Sure. Stoned student? Yuh-huhbsolutely. Stoned 7-11 iced cream thief? lol, duuuuuude, 7+ 11 TOTALLY makes 18, and that TOTALLY rhymes with iced cream.

Whoa. Did you just, like, jingle your keys, or is that a siren I hear?

The quotable Mormons on their rite-of-passage mission on the subway:


Elder Harris (aka crew cut guy#1): Hello miss. We're here to spread the new gospel of Jesus Christ. We'd like to come to your home to do a presentation about what accepting the Lord can do for your family. Do you go to church at all?

Asian (ethnicity is relevant here) woman: *Blank stare*.

Elder Johannsen: Do you go to a Chinese church?

Asian woman: *dirty look*

Elder Harris: *speaking very slowly* Do...you..speak...eng...lish? Our church has lots of Chinese members in Toronto; we can arrange for the presentation to be in Chinese. Do you speak Mandarin or Cantonese?

Asian woman: I'm Korean you a**hole.

BURN!

Jun-8-2007 11:50

My quotable brother on the subject to TV:

"Before they had colour TV's, was everyone in black and white?"

The scariest thing is he's just finished school...

Jun-8-2007 13:36

The quotable 'likes to think he knows it all' chef from where i used to work:

Me: We have a vegan in Jon, what can you do for her?

Jon: Does it have to come from the vegetarian menu or can she have meat?

Jun-9-2007 01:57

Stupid chef...vegans ONLY eat meat, like d'urrrr gosh!

Jonny: leave...home...now. Or, really screw with said sibling by buying him a black n' white TV and getting nuts with the screen with a pack of flourescent highlighters when he's not looking.

The quotable first time in a chinese restaurant American tourist guy: Are your spring rolls available in the summer?

Waiter: *three second pause while e thinks about his tip* Yes sir, we still have them.

Guy: I thought it was always winter in Canada. I'll take six, but I want them before the duck.

Oct-19-2007 00:20

The quotable random young woman in front of my house, which is CLEARLY a house, the other day:

Her: Hi. Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure.
Her: So, is this like an apartment, or a building?
Me: It's a house.
Her: That's so nice! Thanks a lot!

Oct-19-2007 16:51

You're a magnet, Crunchman. A Magnet.

Nov-1-2007 23:50

Yeah, but I'm totally polarized and I still don't know north from south.

The quotable friendly neighbourhood slogan of the day in front of a church:

"The ark was built by amateurs. The Titanic was built by experts. Think about it!"

That one made me want to send money to Tom Cruise. Good thing I was driving.

Nov-2-2007 08:20

Quotable employees of a fast food establishment:

Male Employee enters bathroom, does business, and leaves quickly.

Female Employee: "You didn't wash your hands."

Male Employee: "So? I don't handle meat. I'm on fries."

Female Employee: "That doesn't matter."

Male Employee: "Yeah it does. Hot oil kills germs, so the fries are okay. They just have us do the whole washing hands thing so the meat handlers won't feel all picked on or something."

Female Employee: "Oh."

------

I'm scared.

Nov-2-2007 11:47

I'm terrified!

My husband's grandmother, discussing an acquaintance:

"I know a lot more about her now she's dead."

Pause.

"I still like her, though".