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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home


Dr. Falco Maltese
Dr. Falco Maltese

Oct-22-2005 15:50

*wonders who was being Stanz when that was posted*


Oct-22-2005 18:17

Eeek! That was me posting as Stanz... forgot who I was at the time, sorry!

Colonel Shanty
Colonel Shanty

Oct-22-2005 19:56

Wonderful! OK, here's a couple of jokes that could keep you laughing all day long!

Brock was desperate to get his cat, Gregory, to stop making messes in the kitchen (where his litter box was). He decided that Greg would be potty-trained. No questions. So he coaxed the litter box out of the kitchen, and slowly into the hall. The cat still did its duty in the kitchen. It took two whole months for the cat to get to the bathroom. Slowly, but surely, the cat got to the toilet. One night, Brock and Giselle (his girlfriend) were watching a movie on TV when a piercing shriek shook the house. It sounded like a cat being flushed down the toilet! Poor Greg had gotten the habit of flushing his business down when he was finished. He had fallen in the toilet, and got out drenched like a sewer rat. The moral of the story? Don't potty-train your pets. Period.

"Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Well you better go catch it!"

"May I take your time to do a survey? **wait a few minutes** OK, I'm finished. Thank you for your time."

"Is this _______________'s house? Ooops! I'm sorry! Wrong phone number..."

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Oct-24-2005 12:05

The Expectant Father:
>>An expectant father did not want his coworkers to know
>>that he had a girlfriend, much less that she was
>>pregnant with his son. Though he accompanied her to
>>the hospital, he had to report to work while she was
>>still in labor. As he left he asked the labor and
>>delivery nurse to call his office and let him know by
>>using a secret code.
>>"When my son comes, do not call up the office and say
>>that I have become a father of a boy, otherwise
>>everyone will know. Just tell the receptionist that
>>the clock has arrived and I will know that my son has
>>been born."
>>The child arrived but it was a girl. The labor and
>>delivery nurse thought, "If I tell his office that the
>>clock did not arrive, he'll think that something has
>>happened to the baby and he'll be terribly upset and
>>So she sent the message: "The clock has arrived, but
>>the pendulum is missing."


Oct-24-2005 12:42

Ha ha! Good one, Mak! And Geddes, I should have known...I don't have any problem with you posting as Stanz, as Stanz may not ever post as herself! I just knew it couldn't be she...


Oct-26-2005 20:46

That was so funny Mak. You always come up with the best jokes or humor. Keep em coming...LOL.


Oct-26-2005 20:55

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "Really? What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"


Nov-2-2005 18:33

I just couldn't pass this one up...ha!

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Mar-21-2006 01:12

How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.

Rhiemma Moon
Rhiemma Moon

Mar-21-2006 01:23

A man and wife were driving through the country. They had just had a terrible row and now were both stewing in silence.

They drove past a farm and saw a group of donkeys out in a pasture. The husband finally spoke up and snidely said, "Remind you of anyone?"

The wife replied, "Yeah, my in-laws."

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