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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home


Colonel Shanty
Colonel Shanty

Oct-7-2005 16:52

LOL! Good one, DaRu! Let me add on to this theme by giving you another humorous short:

DUMB BLONDE JOKES - Blonde and Blind
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Debbie Rosenbloom was the prettiest girl on the block. What the guys didn't know, though, was that she was "a few fries short of a Happy Meal." Ray, the cool guy, was flirting with Debbie when she was walking her dog, Fluffy. "Hi sweet pea," he crooned as she picked up Fluffy's mess from a flower garden. "I like vegetables!" she admitted. "Not peas, though. I'm more of a cabbage gal." Flustered, Ray tried harder to get her attention. "You look cute today, honey bunny!" he said in a soft voice. "Bunny's are cute!" she admitted. "Though I'm not much of a bunny lover." Desperate to catch her attention, Ray dug on. "Debbie, I just wanted to say that your perfume smells as sweet as a bouquet of flowers!" Debbie sighed. "My mom made me wear it. I stink up the house!" she giggled. "Although, I don't like the smell of flowers." Ray flung his hands in the air, then went back inside his house. Debbie scratched her head, and kept on walking. "Was that guy talking to me? I thought he was talking to you, Fluffy!" she said to the dog.

Colonel Shanty
Colonel Shanty

Oct-7-2005 16:53

I posted before I got to see the "For Some the Romance Never Dies." The "Blonde and Blind" story was a continuation of dumb blonde jokes.

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Oct-7-2005 20:37

LOL Daru!! Good ones!


Oct-9-2005 15:45

Thank you my dear..Makensie! Here's couple that's cute.


"A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to this wife by endearing terms, calling her "Honey, My love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, and so on.

The Guest was impressed since the couple had been married amost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend, "I think it's wonderful, that after years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet name. His buddy hung his head, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."

The Pentecostal minister had been summoned to the beside of the Presbyterian woman who was quite ill. As he went up the walk, he met the little daughter of the woman and said to her,
"I'm very glad your mother remembered me in her illness. Is your minister out of town?" "No!, answer the child, He's at home, but we thought it might be something contagious, and we didn't want to expose him to it."
-------------------------------------------------BLONDE JOKE:

A blonde walked into an airport and up to the ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuh, back here!" THE END!......ha!

Dark Raven
Dark Raven
Trusted Informer

Oct-12-2005 17:45

a man walks in the park an sees an elderly man crying his eyes out, he asks are you ok sir? The elderly man replied: " you know, I have a 22 year old wife, she is a swimsuit model and all she wants is to have sex all day..." Then he starts crying again. Shocked the man sits down and asks: "I'm sorry sir but I really can't see what the problem is", the elderly man replied: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE........"

Colonel Shanty
Colonel Shanty

Oct-13-2005 13:44

Hehe, Dark Raven! OK, I've heard these sooo many times, so I'd thought I'd share them with you:

Malika was a girl from southern India who was attending Grade 8 in elementary school. None of her parents or grandparents spoke any English, however. That's when the trouble started....
Malika was supposed to go to the dentist at 2:10, but her grandpa was late. At about 2:25, her grandpa pulled into the school's parking lot. He didn't read any English, so he ignored the signs that said "ALL VISITORS PLEASE REPORT TO THE OFFICE TO OBTAIN A VISITOR'S TAG!" He went to the top floor, and went to the wrong classroom (a Grade 4 class). He started screaming in a thickly accented voice, "MALIKA, MALIKA!" He waved his hands to the teacher, and the teacher and students just looked at him, startled. "MALIKA, MALIKA!" He screamed. The teacher picked up the phone and dialed the office number. "Miss Lexington, there's a crazy Indian man shouting in some foreign language at us!" he said in a slightly panicky voice. Soon, the secretary and the vice-principal pulled the man out of the school. He was still yelling "MALIKA, MALIKA!"
A hall away, Malika looked at the clock. "Geez!" she wondered. "Where is grandpa? I hope he didn't get lost..."


Oct-13-2005 13:58

A group from the insane asylum took a day trip to a sporting event. The leader established a few quick commands to help them perform responsibly.

As the national anthem was played, he yelled "stand nuts" and all stood appropriately. When it finished, he yelled "down nuts" and all sat. When something exciting happened, he yelled "cheer nuts" and all cheered merrily.

All went wonderfully until a vendor walked by and yelled "Peanuts!".


Oct-21-2005 15:58

Speed Limit

An old man was driving down the Interstate at 22 miles per hour, never going faster or slower.

A police officer noticed and followed him for a while, then pulled him over.

Before the officer could even get to the car, the man was saying, 'I was not speeding, the speed limit is 22 miles per hour and that is exactly what I was doing, I was not speeding.'

The police officer said, 'I didn't pull you over for speeding, I pulled you over for going too slow.'

'But the sign says 22.'

The officer explained that he was on Interstate 22.

As the man shook his head, the officer noticed that there were three older ladies in the back of the car.

All of them were sitting with their mouths hanging open and spit drooling down the side. Their faces were very white and their hair was completely messy.

The police officer leaned toward the man and asked, 'What's wrong with them?'

'Well, we just came off Interstate 134.'


Oct-21-2005 16:02

That was hilarious Last Train. I had to go tell texan about it & he laughed:)


Oct-22-2005 00:30

Dark Raven, & Colonel Shanty, I loved your stories. I read them aloud to my honey. Poor guy couldn't remember how to get back home to be with his gorgeous wife...hehe. The story about the Indian man must have been true, you think Colonel? I know that would scare the teacher & students half to death..hehe. Keep em comin'(*__*)

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