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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home



Sep-24-2005 22:33

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
Come on ya'll & share some humor..pretty please!*(*_*)


Sep-26-2005 20:05

Most churches have bulletins to keep the people updated, but sometimes the original meaning can sound like it means something else.

* Please remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
* The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* If any of the congregation have children and don't know it, there is a nursery downstairs.
* Everyone is welcome this Tuesday at 4 PM for an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
* At the Ladies Liturgy Society this Thursday, Mrs Smith will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
* This Friday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
* This week we invite any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
* This Monday we will be holding a 'Bean Supper' in the church hall. Music will follow.
* The topic for our sermon next week will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* This evening there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* The 2003 Church Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
* Weight Watchers' will meet at 7 PM in the church hall. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* There will be a special collection today to pay for eight new choir robes. These are needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Pray for those in the hospital that they'll hurry up and go home soon.

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Sep-26-2005 21:36

So anyway, the usual suspects, Dodo (aka Dionne Dawson), Nik (aka jstkdn), Fifi (aka The Polar Bear), JR (aka RiverD), cfm, Sweet P (aka P.Rockwell), Evil Scientist (aka Gradbeth), Blue (aka Blueberry Hill), Daru (aka Texan when she posts inders Hubby's name ;) )and L.E.D (aka Superstar)were sitting at Tricky's.

Suddenly a man walked into the bar.



Sep-26-2005 22:05

Wow, you're fast and on the job. I just posted my reply on the Newbie's board a few moments ago, and you caught me. I just told texan and he just lays there smiling....hum! Well, Anyway, thanks Lady E. for sharing all the neat nick names of all our Tricky Mister chat room buddies. I had so much fun chatting with you all today. I wouldn't mind if everyone called me Deb, but DaRu is fine because it's the nick name I've used for years. Also, texan can be called tex to make it shorter. To those that's not joined yet, you're missing a lot.

Dionne Dawson
Dionne Dawson

Sep-26-2005 22:05

Superstar?? You mean Kiwi? ;)

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Sep-26-2005 22:25

*puts her hands over her ears and starts singing "Blister in the Sun"*


Sep-27-2005 11:26

Great voice LED! Ok, I don't know who Kiwi is, but I've seen an actress on Saturday Night Live, that's a regular on the show, that often says, "I'm a superstar," and I think she sings out loud.....hehe. Though I've rarely watched it I have flipped through the channels and seen her skits and she's hilarious. Is this her?

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Sep-27-2005 12:07

Kia Ora,

A Kiwi is a Native Bird of NZ with is rather unique and endangered.

It is also the name of a fruit (Kiwifruit which are just called Kiwis elsewhere) which somehow became a NZ fruit after stealing it off the Chinese.
When my Mother was young they were still sometimes called Chinese Gooseberries.
You may also find the fruit Kiwi now marketed as Zestiberi or variations of that spelling.

However, the Kiwi (as in Native Bird) has become an internationally recognised icon and as such people from New Zealand are sometimes called Kiwi especially overseas. However, some people find this term as offensive as some American's find the term Yankee.

For more information of the Kiwi (as a native bird) check out this website where you will also find information on those "emu-looking thigees" and the giant eagle that ate them.

Kia Kaha.

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Sep-27-2005 12:10

There are also links to quizzes on this page, but I would recommend everyone check out and do the Quiz which is posted under Daily Pub Quizzes on the Gumshoe Lounge Boards.


Sep-27-2005 12:45

hehe, Lady Emerald, I did know there was a Kiwi bird, but the info above does fit this actress, because she is unique and endangered. Really, I like her because she's different when it comes to comedy:)

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