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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home

Sep-19-2005 21:10

What about those Chinese who fit into bottles...? I've seen that in real life...

Sep-21-2005 14:02

Wow, that would have been neat to see. I love watching shows like this. Ok, here's a couple of jokes I found.....(Just so everyone knows, it wasn't me who seen the psychiatrist..hehe!)

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy " I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

Sep-22-2005 08:21

LOL!! Daru!

Sep-22-2005 10:11


Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on
his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of
hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, ''Cool it. I am going to set
up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.''
So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.
They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent
e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did
some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten
minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky,
thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted
their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming ''It's gone!
It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!''
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. ''Wait! He cheated, how did
he do it?''
God shrugged and said, ''Jesus saves.''

Sep-22-2005 11:29

hehehe thats a good one Lady!

Sep-22-2005 20:11

Hee hee hee! I laughed out loud at that one!

Sep-22-2005 20:27

Great joke Lady Emerald, as I read it out loud to my hubby, we both had a good laugh.

Sep-22-2005 20:52

Still Another Runner Up:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

This was so funny. I just hope texan doesn't decide to miss my funeral because he has to watch a football game. If he does, I'll come back to haunt him...lol.

Sep-22-2005 20:58

And Still Another Runner Up:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Sep-22-2005 21:25

A 94-year-old man and an 88-year-old woman were engaged to be married. They went to their neighborhood pharmacy and asked if they carried:

Heartburn medication? Yes, said the pharmacist
Viagra? Yes
Blood pressure medicine?Yes
Cholesterol medication? Yes
Arthritis medication? Yes
Vitamins/minerals? Yes
Pain medication? Yes
Wheel Chairs? Yes
Bed Pans? Yes
Fix-a-dent? Yes
Laxatives? Yes
Hearing Aids? Yes
Walkers? Yes

"Well then," said the couple, "We'll ask our guests to register here for our wedding gifts!"

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