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DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home



Replies

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-30-2005 23:22

So true about the remote control. Waylon/texan sits with the remote in his hand the entire time he watches tv and flips through the channels, even during a movie, he'll change channels back and forth till I get flustered in trying to watch with him. I get so confused in what's going on and what movie is it...hehe. He actually watches three shows at the same time and from his constantly pushing on the buttons he wears the button out. To me he goes through remote controls like I do panty hose...LOL. I swear this is true, he actually pushes the button so much that they fall inside so we have to buy more. Guess that's because he has such strong hands...ha! No really, I was just wondering, is most men like him? Sometimes I hide the remote, but he usually finds it, then hides it from me. I usually wind up going to the front room and watching the other tv so I can enjoy my show...LOL. OH well, he's my baby.

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-30-2005 23:31



Types of computer viruses
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fi

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Jul-31-2005 09:43

Daru, I think most men are like that hehehe Although, in my parents house,it is my mom who has the control of remote control. Go Mom! hahaha Dad will have the remote, and he will say "What do u want to watch?" Mom will say "I dont care" so Dad starts flipping through the stations,and mom will say "Turn that back" so he does. She says "Ok,turn it".....she starts telling him what channels to put it on,so eventually he just tosses the remote to her and lets her have it. teehee

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-31-2005 13:44

Mak, I can't complain about tex, because I have a habit in carrying our remote off and laying it down someplace then forget where I laid it. I do this at my Moms, and so now she has a telephone cord tied around her remote so I can't carry it off and misplace it anymore..LOL. Texan would do this but he sometimes watches tv in the living room, and there's no way he's going to getup to change channels or the volume..hehe. We need at least a half a dozen remotes to end this nonsense..hehe. I get so tickles at texan at night. We'll watch tv until we fall asleep, but usually he goes to sleep before I do, but he hides the remote under his pillow beneath his head. I'll try to slide my hand & arm beneath his pillow without waking him, in hopes in slipping it out so I can use it, but he's such a light sleeper that I never can reach it without waking him...hehe. As soon as possible I'm buying my own and hide it..hehe. Now if only he doesn't read this thread, oh heck, I'll tell him anyhow. So much about telling on myself. They say confession is good for the soul, well, I soon shall see. Ha!

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Jul-31-2005 17:16

LOL :)

Here is a joke that I thought was funny lol and cute!

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that
they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through
the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich
wasn't a chicken sandwich.


He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it
anymore?" She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to
grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and
said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."


He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut
butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop ea! ting chicken
sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said
"Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the
gizzards!!!

Madame Giry
Madame Giry

Aug-1-2005 16:31

Sick, oh so wrong, but yet so funny.

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Aug-2-2005 09:47

Ultimate Female Joke

It has long been contended that there are male jokes and there are
female jokes. And there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a
true
female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and
men
will pass it along to a woman who will love it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her
girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy
middle-aged man entered. He was so striking the woman could not take her
eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked
directly toward her (as all men will). Before she could offer her
apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her,
"I'll
do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how
kinky, for $20.00...on one condition." (There are always conditions).
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied,
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
(controlling, huh?)
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a
$20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along
with
her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and
meaningfully
said... "Clean my house."



Madame Giry
Madame Giry

Aug-2-2005 10:03

Are we really such desperate housewives?

Madame Giry
Madame Giry

Aug-2-2005 10:58

Oh, here's a blonde joke:
The Blonde Cook
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.

She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"

"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."

"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."

"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."

"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."

"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"

"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."



Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Aug-2-2005 11:37

It wasnt that she was a desperate housewife...the man was acting like he was Gods gift, and she fooled him by saying that,when he was expecting something else ;) Too funny!

Anyways...here is one...

Gender
> >1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but
you
> >can see right through them
> > >
> > >2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a
while
> >to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
> >buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
> >
> > >3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
> > >
> > >4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have
> >to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
> >
> > >5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain
water.
> > >
> > >6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
> >
> > >7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
> > >
> > >8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
> >bottom.
> >
> > >9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
> >years, but it's handy to have around.
> > >
> > >10) Remote Control -- Female..... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
> >consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and
> >while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.


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