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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home

Jan-3-2007 06:52

A young man comes into the doctors and says, "Doc, is it hereditary to lose your memory?" "No," the doctor replies, "Why?" "Well," the man says, "both of my parents are. For example, one day my mother wanted some Ice Cream, so she went out to get so me. But my father stopped her, telling her that he would get some. 'Alright,' she said, 'I'll write it down'. 'no', he says, 'just tell me, I won't forget'. 'Okay', she says, 'I want some vanilla ice cream in a cone'. 'Okay', he says. He leaves, come s back half an hour later, gives his wife a bag. "What!" she scrams. "This is a cheeseburger, you idiot! I wanted a hamburger!"

Jan-3-2007 20:28

2 cops were parked up outside the local pub one friday night, with great expectations of catching a couple of drunks attempting to drive home drunk.
11pm rolled around, and the pub began to empty.
The first patron out, well, the cops thought they had struck gold! He was stumbling all over the place, fell into the gutter, and lay there, while a few more patrons stepped over him to get to their cars. He had another attempt at walking. Made it to a car, tried his keys, nope!! wrong car. Meanwhile the police were watching this with great delight!!
Finally the guy finds his car, and after a few minutes, finally manages to open the door, and slump in behind the wheel! the cops are on the alert, ready to go as soon as he attempts to drive!
the drunk tries to start his car, no luck. he sits there for a few minutes, watchin a few more ppl leave the pub. He attempts to start his car. wipers go on, wipers go off. indicators on, indicators off. few more ppl leave the pub.
he finally manages to start his car.. he sits there waiting for the carpark to empty. then, just as he is pulling out, the cops go Bingo!! and pull out after him! they flash their sirens, and pull him over.
'blow into the bag please sir' he does. no reading!! 'uh, sir, u will have to accompany us to the station, our equipment seems to be faulty, its not showing a reading,'
'its not faulty' says the guy in the car.
'oh??'
'no, im perfectly sober.' says the driver. 'i'm the designated drunk decoy!'



-previously submitted by chucky monkey 2004-

Jan-4-2007 00:58

i have some... but they're more towards blondes... and i don't want to offend anyone... so... i'm not going to post it unless i know no one will be offended.

Jan-4-2007 07:06

do what i do, change blondes to stupid people ;)

Jan-4-2007 09:04

ok... i'll just leave that word out...

Two guys pull up to a lumber store, and one walks into a lumber store and asks the salesclerk, "Do you have some 4 by 2's?"

The sales clerk says, "You mean 2 by 4's?"

The guys says, "Don't know, let me check." So he goes out to his buddy and comes back in the store and says, "Yeah 2 by 4's."

So the salesclerk asks, "How long do you need it?"

The guy says, "Don't know, let me check." He goes back out to his buddy and asks, then comes back in and says, "We're going to need it for a really long time, because we're building a house."

Jan-5-2007 02:45

there were 3 women who jumped off the roof of a three story building, 2 had died and 1 was still alive, barely... when asked by a cop why they jumped off the building, she replied, "we just bought new pads with wings, and we were seeing if we could fly."

Jan-17-2007 02:56

In case anyone thinks I'm being anti-american here - the education problems are pretty much the same in Canada. I just got this in email and think it's pretty funny:

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar
Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his
hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.

"Very good!" Who said, "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?" Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar." Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrashekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k them Indians,"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared around and asked "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!"

Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little sh*t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh*t, we're f**ked!"

And Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George W. Bush, Iraq, 2006.