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Of Candy Canes and Sword Canes
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Riza Hawkeye
Riza Hawkeye
First Nomad

Apr-24-2010 08:21

A child’s high pitched scream rang out though the diner. “Mommy, I don’t wanna eat broccoli! It’s yucky!”

“You have to eat broccoli, sweetheart. Or else you won’t grow up big and strong!” the mother cooed, trying to lift a forkful of the nastiest looking broccoli in history to her son’s lips. Seriously, that thing looked like a giant plant had diarrhea or something.

“No!” the child screamed, knocking the fork to the ground. The sound of metal hitting a dirt and bug-encrusted floor made Riza’s ears perk up. She pushed away the mountain of lard-covered bacon she was eating and bounded towards the fork on all fours.

Upon reaching it, she picked it off the floor with her teeth, appreciating the feel of the cool metal against her tongue. By this time everyone in the diner had turned around to stare.

“Riza! Potato!” a voice called from behind her, simultaneously with a snap of the fingers. Riza’s right eye began to twitch violently, and then suddenly, she began to talk. “…no way that you can hypnotize me. I don’t believe in that kind of stuff. You think I’m crazy or some"” Riza cut herself off as she noticed that she was on her knees on the floor, surrounded by what seemed to be about 20 staring people.

“What’re you looking at?” she barked, turning to stare at each of them in turn. They all hurriedly turned back to their meals. The little boy from earlier was silent. “Honey, if you don’t eat your broccoli, you’re going to end up like that crazy lady over there,” the mother whispered into her child’s ear. At this, the child began shoveling the pile of liquid green slime into his mouth, not even pausing to take a breath.


Riza Hawkeye
Riza Hawkeye
First Nomad

Apr-30-2010 14:53

“But…a rotting corpse was lying on those crates,” Joseph said.

“Well the inside’s still good. All sealed and everything,” Dave replied, wandering off. Joseph sighed. What kind of oddballs was this town filled with?

“I’ve seen that kind of candy cane before,” Riza stated suddenly. Joseph and Marc turned to stare at her. “Where?” they asked simultaneously.

“In a tiny convenience store on the other side of town, near the truck depot. It’s where I get all my lollis from,” she continued, pulling a lolli out of her pocket and sucking it for good measure.

“Well let’s go then!” Joseph said, already walking towards his car.

“Hey Dave, call the police, will ya?” Marc called back. Dave raised his arm in acknowledgement.

Adam Carter
Adam Carter
Big Winner

Apr-30-2010 15:52

It was a bass. A wide-mouthed one at that. Fifteen pounds to the ounce, easily. It would have been difficult to carry it over his shoulder. Needless to say, the chosen method of fish transportation was not ideal. He started getting funny looks from the moment he entered the restaurant. Nonchalantly, Adam strode up to the counter and took the nearest stool. It was still warm, as if it has been recently vacated. That was nice. It served a dual purpose of making him feel warm and fuzzy inside, as well as drying him off.

The waitress came over, pad in hand, staring wide eyed at the soaking wet man with the very overactive right leg. Adam looked at her and smiled. "I hear you have a policy of 'you kill it, we cook it'? Could you cook something for me?"

The waitress nodded, and Adam stood up, reached into his trousers, and removed the fish. It was clear that it was still very much alive, and desperately vying to return to the nearby river. The waitress was dumbfounded. Well, she thought, at least that explains why he's wet. "It isn't dead," she said.

"No problem." Adam picked up the still warm mug in front of him, finished the tea within, and pounded the fish on the head until it stopped wrestling. "It is now," he said, handing it over. "I'll take it fried, with a side order of french fries and some mushy peas."

"Mushy peas?"

"Yeah," he said. "Just take some peas, and mush them up. I'm English you see, we like them."

The waitress shrugged, took the bass, and headed into the back. Adam settled into his new seat, and cleaned the plate in front of him. Then he noticed two other plates next to them, still groaning with food. "When in Rome..." He leaned over and cleaned both plates so fast they were both still spinning as he sat back down.

Adam Carter
Adam Carter
Big Winner

Apr-30-2010 15:52

A small stack of napkins sat inside a metal holder next to a bottle of ketchup. While waiting for his main meal, Adam started to use the napkins for the dual purposes of cleaning bacon grease from his face and drying his hair. After just a few minutes, there was a large pile of grey splodgy napkins building on the floor beside him. It wasn't long before the dispenser was empty, but by that time Adam was at least dry enough not to have rancid river water dripping down his face and onto the plates.

The door opened, and a blue faced man entered. Well, he looked blue faced, at least at first glance. As adam looked closer, he noticed that the man was covered in blueberry sauce. His mouth was half full of waffle, and he was trying to have a conversation with two other people outside.

"I'm hshjusht gomma gwab anuva for hthe woad..."

Andrew Corelli
Andrew Corelli

Jun-9-2010 22:02

"All right, pal, what's the emergency?" said Corelli, preparing his little notebook.

"Well, you see, mister officer, I really need that you take out that corpse from my truck, I have to make a delivery"

First thing you learn in the business, patience is everything, but this is enough...
"Wait... what!?"

"Officer, I really need to work, and your people is just taking pictures, asking questions..."

Inhale, exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4... inhale, exhale, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...
"Oh, come on... you must be joking" said Corelli, you can't have a corpse in your truck and being worried about a delivery.

"No, officer, I'm deadly serious, I won't get paid if I don't deliver this stuff"

"Deadly serious?"Corelli was in a shock, "Oscar, take this f... fella to the station, I need a drink"
Cursing under his breath the day he returned to the force, Corelli was starting another day.

Joseph Zeo
Joseph Zeo
Tale Spinner

Aug-26-2010 22:35

* On other side of town *

"Well, here's the truck depot," Zeo exhaled and turned all around, "now where's the convenient store you were talking about."

Hawkeye sucked hard on her lollipop, her third one since they left the truck with the corpse, and shrugged. "This is odd. It's gone!" The hard lady pointed at a small hardware store tugged in the corner. "It used to be there!"

"Maybe the hardware store owner might know where the old shop has move to." Marc replied.

The three musketeers then entered the new hardware store.

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