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CONTEST: Seuss Noir
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Jan-18-2008 21:43

"Rain pounded on the windows, and a fist pounded on the door. I swung the door open just as a bolt of lightning revealed the visage of a bewhiskered man wearing a fedora.

The lady of the house was out, but it was me he wanted. Me and the little lady I was with. He smirked, and I knew there wasn't enough gin in the world to erase the coming nightmare."

Recognise it? No? Ahh, if the Cat in the Hat went Noir, it might look like this.

But maybe you disagree. Well, then, show me what YOU think it would look like if Seuss went Noir... any Dr. Seuss story, just use the original story name as your title.

Not including the title, please tell your story in a maximum of 5000 words. I advise you to write it all in a word processing program and copy/paste it into posts, so that you don't run the risk of someone posting in the middle of your story.

So, there you go. And here's some useful tips for ya, kid:

* Spellcheck is your friend. No, really, it is.
*Punctuation is your friend, too. Period. :-D

Submissions must be posted no later than 11:59PM on Thursday, January 31.

Prize(s) will be awarded!


Pinball Amateur

Jan-22-2008 13:28

That's fantastic, Stooby!! Wonderful job!! ;-D


Jan-22-2008 13:31

Thanks Briekat :-)

Get writting everyone, that was wonderful to write. I hadn't read any Dr Seuss before this, the origional was great to read, that was real fun to write.

Give it a bash all ;-)

Old Shoe

Jan-26-2008 20:31

Wow! Stooby's is great :-D I figured I'll submit mine anyway, since I had so much fun writing it. Thanks for the fun competitions.

I have been living my boring, little life quite happily. Until an unsavory character found me. This man named Sam, he asked me one day, if I liked green eggs and ham. "No", I told Sam," I do not like them, I do not like this food at all." He then asked if I like them here or there. Again, I repeated myself, that "no thank you, I would rather not have this food." But he wouldn't stop. He continued following me.

He asked me if I wanted green eggs and ham in a house or with a mouse. Madness! This is pure madness! No, No, No, I do not want this food! I made this quite clear. But did he stop harassing me? No! He continued to ask me if I liked them with a box or with a fox. "No", I screamed! "Not in a box, not with a fox, not in a house, not with a mouse. I will not eat them here nor there. I will not eat them anywhere. I will not eat green eggs and ham. I will not eat them, Sam, now go away before I get a restraining order against you!"

Old Shoe

Jan-26-2008 20:31

I started driving as fast as I could. But when I turned to look over my shoulder, this man was in my car. I could not escape this Sam. "Would you eat this food in the car?" he asked. Assuming the green food must be poisoned, I emphatically told him that I won't eat them in the car. He then proceeded to suggest eating this food in a tree, a train or in the dark. This man wanted to poison me in the dark or on a high speeding train. My answer, of course was "No!" Then he continued to pressure me by suggesting eating this food in the rain, with a goat and on a boat. To which I had to repeat myself to Sam, telling him that I do not want his poisoned food.

He then asked me kindly to try the food again. I don't know what possessed me to try it. It may have been the kindness in his eye that made me realize he wasn't a murderer. Or maybe it was the fact that I figure he may go away if I tried the food. Or maybe it was just the fact that I was tired. But I gave up and let myself try this green eggs and ham. And let me tell you, it was the best food I ever had! I wanted to eat it everywhere. I would have this food on a boat, with a goat, in the rain or on a train. I would eat this in a box or with a fox, in a house or with a mouse. Frankly, I would have this food anytime or anywhere. I thanked this Sam for this delicious surprise and had to admit that I love this food!


Jan-27-2008 01:51

I agree Detectivehappy, this is another great contest to write for! So come on guys give us things to read :-)

I enjoyed writing mine so much I've had a bash at making it into a poem. Not as an entry, they're to be written in story form, nope just for fun and practice! So this isn't a new story, just a different way to read my entry:

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

Down in Hooverville
Liked Christmas a lot...

But Edward Grinch,
Who lived in the North of Hooverville
Did NOT!

Known by those who avoided him most as the Grinch.
He stood glaring at the snow falling with a wince.
His feet were pinched terribly by shoes several sizes to small,
They and his coat had been stolen from a man not so tall.
The bitter cold bit through his clothes and froze his heart,
He stood loathing all of Central Park.

The Grinch heard carols being sung all around Hooverville,
“Christmas Eve.” growled the Grinch and spat on the hill.
Those who knew him and stayed out of his way,
Knew that the Grinch hated Christmas day.
No-one knew why and he would not say.
But the spirit and cheer never came his way.

Edward knew that very soon everyone would be in their beds.
They’d be tucked up tightly, dreams spinning in their heads,
Of Christmas Day, warmth, love and cheer.
The perfect chance for a thief to sneak in without any fear.
Without any regrets, worries or concerns he’d help himself,
To the silver, food and presents and all on the shelves.

The Grinch set off to one of the smarter areas of town,
Several empty bags held under one arm.
He took with him a young lad called Max,
He would be his lookout and would guard the sacks.


Jan-27-2008 01:51

Things were going well! Several houses behind.
One bag already full with stolen loot of the kind,
He knew he could use, eat or sell.
This Christmas Eve was going so well.
He’d found several cakes and cooked hams.
These he’d eaten, all he could cram.

Now as he squeezed through the next window,
The Grinch wished he hadn’t eaten so well.
His stomach was full and he knew he was stuck.
With a whispered cry he called and prayed for luck.
Max gave a great big heave and a push,
The Grinch fell inside whispering “shush”

Standing up the Grinch rubbed his eyes,
The hallway brighter than the dark outside.
He quickly took the bag Max held out,
And hurrying to the sideboard suppressed a shout.
Two candle sticks of silver, a crystal vase… oops less haste!
And a full cutlery set displayed tantalisingly in its case.

Pushing these into his bag the Grinch hurried quickly to go,
Handing the swag to Max he took one more look, you never know.
He could not resist taking a full bottle of brandy from a bar.
Now as he turned to leave a noise told him he’d pushed it to far.

Fearing the worst he pulled a revolver from his coat,
As he spun and fired, a desperate cry tore from his throat.

Even on Christmas Day,
The Sleuth
Was there to be hired.

To catch a killer,
See him hang,
He who the shot had fired.

The Sleuth stood and looked at the scene of the crime,
The tiny young victim, soon to be a chalk outline.
Her mother sobbing, held tightly by her husband dear,
Their son trembling in the arms of his nanny stood near.
His sister, Cindy-Lou could have been no older than 6.
Now should would spend her final Christmas,
Spent stretched on the wooden floor.
Cindy-Lou would age no more.


Jan-27-2008 01:52

The time it took for the Sleuth to see was brief,
That Cindy-Lou must have disturbed a thief.
Her grieving father had told him several items were gone,
Silver candlesticks, cutlery, a vase, the list was long.
The gunshot had woken them all,
Then the crash of the tree, a trip and a fall.

The clues were everywhere to see,
A scrap of coat caught on the tree,
Footprints in the settled snow outside,
Shoes clearly the wrong size.
There was even an abandoned bag,
Left on the lawn and full of swag.

As he was leaving a police car arrived,
He left after directing them inside.
Then off to see Thaddeus the tailor,
To get him to work he promised a favour.

Thaddeus confirmed what the Sleuth had thought,
The scrap of coat matched another he had brought,
From a small homeless man someone had chosen to kill,
His body found towards the north of Hooverville.
His shoes and coat had been took,
The Sleuth knew to thank his luck.

With a thanks to Thaddeus the Sleuth went,
To Hooverville. Past ramshackled houses and tents.
Then he spotted a man limping in flight,
His coat to small, his shoes to tight.
The Sleuth followed him out of sight,
Entering a shed, door closed against the light.

Standing outside the Sleuth looked around,
In wonder as the snow fell to the ground.
Voices were clearly heard singing Christmas songs,
But from within the shed a voice bemoaned all his wrongs,
“Why Max? Why’d she ave ta come down like that.
I didn’t mean ta do it Max. Not that.”

The voice of a young lad could be heard to say,
“What we gona do bout it Grinch? Ey?”
The first voice replied “It’s Christmas Day,
Lets eat what we got and try ta forget bout it I say.
Maybe er family’ll give us a break,
Forgive us, it’s Christmas for Eaven’s sake.”


Jan-27-2008 01:52

With that the Sleuth knew that he’d heard enough.
He pulled out his revolver and kicked the door rough.
As it burst wide open he levelled his gun,
At the Grinch who knew he had nowhere to run.
“Go ahead Grinch, reach for your piece,
And I’ll gun you down like a beast.”

And what happened then...? Hooverville they say,
That the Grinch's cold heart,
Beat only 3 more times that day!
He reached for his gun and held it tight,
The Sleuth took aim in the bright morning light.
A gun rang out and the Grinch fell amongst his feast!
And he...

The Grinch was carved up like a roast beast!

Later on those in Hooverville say, much later that day,
After watching the police lead young Max away,
The Sleuth returned to tell Cindy-Lou’s family what he had found.
And after many tears and weeping they all gathered around,
In the Cathedral for a ceremony unlike any the say,
Ever seen before or after on Christmas Day.
And then all who were there bowed their heads to pray,
To the angels, asking them to guide one young soul their way.

And later having written up his notes the Sleuth filed away,
The Tragic Case of How The Grinch Stole Christmas Day.


Feb-1-2008 00:43

For anyone interester I've writen a sequel to my entry called It's Grinch Night. I've added it to Endeavour Investigations website as I don't want to influence the judges decision :-)

In that spirit therefore whoever is judging Seuss Noir is banned from reading it until the judging is done!

You can read It's Grinch Night at:

Old Shoe

Feb-1-2008 12:16

Lol, Don't worry about influincing the judges. I think I'm the only other entry, and I would vote for you :-D
Can't wait to read the newest installment on your webiste. Great job!!

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