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Mar-31-2007 13:03

A place where we can tell actual Dilbert-esque tales from work, whine about work, tell office jokes, comment on the movie Office Space, etc.

Half the reason I started this thread is so Raven can tell us some more of his weird calls! So bring it Raven.

Mar-31-2007 13:05

The other half reason I started this thread is so that I can tell this joke:

There is a big, open, grassy field with a pot of gold in the middle. To the north is a smart manager, to the south is a dumb manager, to the east is the Easter Bunny and to the west is Santa Claus. Which one gets the pot of gold?



Answer: the dumb manager. None of the others exist.

Apr-1-2007 08:09

Hehe I get it! Hehehe...

Apr-2-2007 00:27

I would like to second the request for more reports from Raven's unbelievably stupid patient calls :)

Allez-y Marc!

This restaurant I worked in ages ago:

Me: I need to put my cigarette out. I'll use the sink.
Manager: make sure you use the COLD water

Apr-2-2007 00:36

I remeber one lab experiement. This guy burned the biggest piece of magnesium I had ever seen, when the teacher left. So he has a buring fireball in a pair of tongs (NOT thongs). Whats there to do other than throw it down the sink? So the guy and his lab partner douses it with tap water. This is when the teacher came in. 'Hey whys the sink smoking?' not that funny when your reading it but alot funnier if you were there.

Apr-2-2007 06:39

This is not so much a story, but a list of dumb-ass things a manager I had when I worked in corporated had:

1. Triangulate: this was his favortite word. It means arriving at the same number using two different sources. (This is the financial planning department I worked at). It really annoyed me, cuz..well, it doubled my work.

2. This was his second favorite. Every time, and I mean EVERY time, he would "triangulate" right before he punched the "equals" button on his calculator to get the result, he would say "And survey says...."

Another boss I had in that same department, loved to say, "We are gonna kick it up a notch!" Yeah, let's kick financial planning up a notch. I can barely contain my excitement.

*rolls eyes*

Apr-2-2007 07:04

At one point at my current job, I was getting annoyed because I knew my boss was forwarding funny emails to other people in the office but not to me and I felt all resentful about it (any of you who know me know that I have this urgent need to be included in EVERYTHING).

I whined and complained (professionally, of course) so much about this that he finally said fine, I'll send you the stuff too.

Porn....all porn.

Next time, I keep my mouth shut :)

Apr-3-2007 22:23

OK. I have one :)

I was once chastised by my manager for figuring out a problem for my client. The client came over and asked me a question and I answered it.

Little did I know there was some dramatic history behind this...

My manager, "Why did you answer Christine's question?"

Me, "Because she asked me."

My manager, "Well you really shouldn't have done that."

Me, "Why?"

My manager, "Because she asked Brian the same question and he told her there was no solution and he was working up a whole proposal to find an alternate solution and you just undermined him."

Me, "But my answer was right."

My manager, "Yes your answer was right. But you figured it out too FAST. And you made your co-worker look stupid. Don't do that again."

Things that make you go hmm.....