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Detective fun while waiting
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Sep-8-2004 12:29

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"


Daniella Jewel
Daniella Jewel

Jun-4-2005 17:16

In my country of Russia, we make fun of Americans...Bush is stupid ha ha ha !


Jun-4-2005 20:25

Not that I don't like President Bush, but here's a joke I heard that I'll share with you Daniella.

"President Bush died & went to Heaven. When he gets to the Pearly Gates, he meets St. Peter. Bush says, "I would like to meet Moses". So, St. Peter goes off for a little bit, then returns and says, "I'm sorry, but Moses doesn't want to meet you", and Bush replies, "But why?", then St. Peter says, "Moses remembers the last time he met up with a bush"!


Jun-4-2005 20:41

Ok, here's another one, then that's it.
Title of Joke: "Dumb Fisherman"

One day a man decides to go ice fishing. He begins cutting a hole in the ice, when a booming voice from above says, "There are no fish there". So he moves to another area, and begins cutting another hole in the ice, when once more the voice from above bellows, "There are no fish there either,". So the man looks up and says, "Who is this, God?". The voice replies, "No, this is the manager of the ice skating Rink." This joke gave me a good laugh as I could see some idiot cutting holes in a hockey's skating rink ...hehe.

Lady Grey
Lady Grey

Jun-4-2005 20:58

Very clever DaRu. Very funny too. Heres a very bad joke of my own.

Detective Bush had to be in court at precisely 11.00am to give evidence in a case. Unfortunately the case was being tried in a nearby town where he had never been. It was however in walking distance, just beyond a stretch of woods.
Bright and early he set off into the woods, at first everything was fine, the birds were singing and the sun was shining. Suddenly he realised he had missed a turn in the path. He was lost. The sun now cast weird shadows and the birds had gone silent. The nhe looked at his watch and it had stopped. He walked quicker and quicker and just as he thought he was walking in circles he came upon a small cottage. An old lady stodd outside brushing the steps with a bezum. She wore a green pointy hat, green dress, green cloak and green pointy boots.
Detective Bush said "Hello Witch" (He new she was a witch because of the pointy hat and broom)
"Hello Deary" she said.
"I appear to be lost" said Bush "Could you direct me to the courthouse please?"
"Certainly deary, 400yds down that path, left at the big oak and then 800yds and you are on Main Street. The courthouse is half way up Main Street on the left. Should take a young lad like you about 30minutes to get there."
"Thankyou very much" said Bush "Oh my watch is broken, can you tell me what time it is"
The witch looked at her watch and said " About 10.00am"
Bush thanked her again and set off. He went down the path turned left and duly arrived at the courthouse. When he arrived he found the courthouse empty. A policeman told him that it was 11.30am and the criminal had been set free because he wasn't there to give crucial evidence. Dispondent he set off for home. On his way he stopped by the witches house.
"Hello Deary" she said "Did you find the courthouse?"
"Yes thankyou" he replied "but I was too late, your watch must have been slow because I arrived too late. You told me it was 10.00 when it was 11.00."

Lady Grey
Lady Grey

Jun-4-2005 21:09

"I know deary"
"You mean you deliberately gave me the wrong time?"
"Yes Deary"
A little non-plussed Bush said "Why? Why did you lie to me?"
"Because I had to, Deary."
"What do you mean, you had too?"
"Didn't you realise Deary? Green Witch, Mean Time!"

Blaise Joshua
Blaise Joshua

Jun-5-2005 01:14

British people have a history of telling jokes about the Irish, usually along the lines of "There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman ..."

There is also a rather nasty collection of jokes about the Welsh, but these aren't nearly as popular as the Irish jokes.

As for jokes about blondes, they seem to be pretty much universal : o )

Markie P
Markie P

Jun-5-2005 01:46

lol - agreed about the universal blonde theme, Blaise.
Here in South Africa the protaganist of our jokes is usually an unfortunate Afrikaans man by the name of Van Der Merwe.

Daniella Jewel
Daniella Jewel

Jun-5-2005 10:57

OK, I have a rather silly blonde joke myself...
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are lost on a deserted island the blonde sees a mirage (which she thinks is a shopping mall) and starts to run toward it. A village leader sees her, and sends her and her two friends to be executed. The village people surround them, soldiers with guns aimed at the three beauties. The leader asks the brunette if she wants to say some last words. "I would like to say... tornado!" Everyone peers around for the tornado, and at that moment, the brunette runs to the sea, and swims to safety. The leader asks the redhead for her last words. "I just want to say...hurricane!" Everyone looks for the hurricane, and she runs off. The leader asks the blonde for her last words. "I just want to say... fire!" And the soldiers did, with 30 rifles aimed at her.

Daniella Jewel
Daniella Jewel

Jun-5-2005 11:02

Here is another stupid one...
Three girls: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are all instructed by their boyfriends to cross an 800 mile lake. The brunette makes it 200 miles, decides she can't make it and drowns. The redhead makes it 400 miles, decides she can't make it, and drowns. The blonde makes it 700 miles, decides she can't make it and swims back.


Jun-5-2005 17:23

Fancy yourself the equal of Sherlock Holmes? Consider the story Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, told on himself.

He was waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris, when a taxi pulled up. He placed his suitcase in the car and took a seat.

"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?", asked the taxi driver.

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he knew him by sight.

"No, sir, I have never seen you before."

The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Arthur Conan Doyle.

"This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand to which people who return from Marseilles always come. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer. Your clothing is very English and not French. And so, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing. You are a real-life counterpart of Sherlock Holmes."

"There is one other thing," the driver said.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase!"

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