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Detective fun while waiting
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Sep-8-2004 12:29

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"



Dec-6-2004 14:25

*sigh* that wasn't as funny as i had hoped.


Dec-6-2004 15:16

Actually, that what I was thinking what I finished reading it. But then your comment underneath.....actually made me chuckle. :)


Dec-7-2004 03:30

i needed ur comment jstkdn to really start to laugh


Dec-7-2004 13:46

Hmmmm...... i'm going to have to start looking for or thinking of better jokes.


Dec-7-2004 14:12

I almostposted one of mine once........... then i decided it was stupid. and posted that!


Dec-7-2004 16:10

Reda.....have you been visiting those coffee shops AGAIN? :)

Which brings me of a little joke amongst the Dutch. I always have to laugh, when I visit the US, and people ask me if I want to go to a coffee shop to get some coffee.

We call a place where you get coffee, a café. But a coffee shop, is where they have soft drugs on the menu. The reason why we call them coffee shops, because in the past. Either the government gave people either a liquor license, or a soft drug license. They could not get both. Hence why, with your drugs, you could only get coffee and other things without alcohol. Hence coffeeshops are specifically used for the establishments they sell hash.

Is Ocean's 12 out yet in the US? They filmed in one of my favourite places to "hang out."


Dec-7-2004 20:28

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

funky munky
funky munky

Dec-8-2004 01:36

2 cops were parked up outside the local pub one friday night, with great expectations of catching a couple of drunks attempting to drive home drunk.
11pm rolled around, and the pub began to empty.
The first patron out, well, the cops thought they had struck gold! He was stumbling all over the place, fell into the gutter, and lay there, while a few more patrons stepped over him to get to their cars. He had another attempt at walking. Made it to a car, tried his keys, nope!! wrong car. Meanwhile the police were watching this with great delight!!
Finally the guy finds his car, and after a few minutes, finally manages to open the door, and slump in behind the wheel! the cops are on the alert, ready to go as soon as he attempts to drive!
the drunk tries to start his car, no luck. he sits there for a few minutes, watchin a few more ppl leave the pub. He attempts to start his car. wipers go on, wipers go off. indicators on, indicators off. few more ppl leave the pub.
he finally manages to start his car.. he sits there waiting for the carpark to empty. then, just as he is pulling out, the cops go Bingo!! and pull out after him! they flash their sirens, and pull him over.
'blow into the bag please sir' he does. no reading!! 'uh, sir, u will have to accompany us to the station, our equipment seems to be faulty, its not showing a reading,'
'its not faulty' says the guy in the car.
'no, im perfectly sober.' says the driver. 'i'm the designated drunk decoy!'


Dec-14-2004 15:16

Okay this is a blonde joke.... but no offence to anyone whos blonde.

A talk show host is trying to think of a good topic for his show when his mind wanders over towrds blondes. He decides that blonde are NOT stupid. So he thought of a few simple trivea Q's and got a Female blonde to appear on the show.

When the day came there were many blondes in the studio. The talkshow host gave his usual welcome and gave the first question:
"What... *dramatic pause* is 2+2?"he said.
"uhhhhh.....thats a tough one!" the blonde said gigling and batting her eyelashes. "Well i'd have to say...... 3!"
"I'm sorry. wrong answer."the host frowned.
"LET HER TRY AGAIN! LET HER TRY AGAIN!" All the blondes in the studio chanted, clapping their hands.
"Alright. What...... *dramatic pause* is 2 + 2?" he gave in.
"If not 3...... than 5!"she shrugged.
"thats...... WRONG! i'm sorry-"he told her.
The girls eyes grew red, and teary.
"LET HER TRY AGAIN! LET HER TRY AGAIN!" all the blondes chanted while clapping.
"Fine." he muttered, a little angery that he was wrong about blondes. "What....... *no dramatic pause* is 2... + 2?
"4!"the blonde said, flipping her hair, happily.
"THATS-" the host started to say.
"LET HER TRY AGAIN! LET HER TRY AGAIN!" chanted all the blondes in the studio, while clapping.


Dec-14-2004 17:51

Not completely off topic. But have you noticed that different countries make fun of different nationalities in jokes. Always found this interesting. Usually the other country is perceived as a little bit slower or dumber in jokes.

For the Americans it is the Polish. For the Canadians it is the Newfoundlanders. For the Dutch it is the Belgians. I believe for the Aussies it is the kiwi's, though not sure. What else?

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