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Nov-8-2007 05:07

I've learned a few things in life thus far, some lessons were free, some I payed a pretty big price for, and some were stolen. Here are a few I've compiled; have you learned anything?

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential,

Nov-8-2007 05:15

34. No one can love a liar.

35. NEVER date a man that doesn't treat you like a princess.

36. People seem to think that if they throw a big enough fit they can have what ever they want. DON'T let them have it.

37. You are never too old or mature to enjoy cartoons.

38. Animals like to be talked to, even if you feel silly doing it.

39. If it can't go in some kind of a washer it's not worth having.

40. The red stripe on the top of your white sock WILL turn the rest of the sock, along with your other laundry, PINK.

41. If you have a cold, take medicine before you get on an airplane.

42. Tanning beds will give you radiation poisoning! And it hurts!

43. Dinosaurs came before the chicken and the egg

44. Wal*Mart will take back ANYTHING.

45. Buy the safer car, and wear the seatbelt.

47. Scent really is the most powerful memory.

48. Even though it is the dumbest concept on Earth today, homework really is more important than your overall intelligence.

49. Sometimes people keep old junk around just to someday remember it one last time.

50. Never leave angry, or without saying goodbye.

51. Federal laws protecting the rights of the United State's citizens are more "guidelines" than law, and most anyone can discriminate against you without any repercussion.

52. When you win money on a slot machine, you are not winning the Casino's money. They have already taken their share off the top. You are winning the money someone else LOST.

53. It sucks to get a rock in your Birkenstock.

54. Toothpaste on your shirt will stay there ALL DAY no matter how much you dab, wipe, or otherwise try to get it off.

55. Don't spend a fortune on glasses you will end up sitting on.

56. Three is a really bad number of people to have working in an office together, especially if all three are women.

Nov-8-2007 11:16

35. NEVER date a man that doesn't treat you like a princess.

I've tried telling Crunch this I dont know how many times, but he still dates these losers that treat him like garbage. Consider this an intervention Crunch.

JUST SAY NO!

Nov-8-2007 14:54

It's his own fault, a man wearing nothing but tutu and an aluminum foil tiara is always going to attract the wrong kind of suitor.

Nov-9-2007 04:39

Now SS, no still means no, no matter what you wear.

Nov-9-2007 10:37

Actually, his "No" might carry a little more weight if he stopped wearing that pin that says "YES! A thousand times, YES!"

Nov-9-2007 11:30

can i have some help? i subscribed but it hasnt been coming through on the game yet the payment has come through, help please?

Nov-9-2007 23:59

Um. How about waiting a few minutes and not triple posting the same crap in the wrong place just cause you spent all your monthly skittle money online?

*Yoda voice*

Ctown and lilangel, training this one needs. Mess with the flow of the force, s/he did.

Okay so that's out of the way. Good.
~~~

Annika: a thousand times is nothing but flattery and you know it. It was seven dwarves climbing seven (separate) chest hairs, dangled seductively out of seven different tower windows.

Damn, Grouchy that hurts! That thing on the end ain't a magic goose nipple! The feathers are just for disguise!

*for no good reason, climbs a beanstalk*

Nov-10-2007 09:45

Yes crunchy, this one needs some training, I think we are up to the challenge though. He was just a bit confused at the start. I will consider him my Padawan! ;-)

Nov-11-2007 01:07

Easy with the spank-saber, though. Tough love ain't no love at all, yo. It's hard to believe the force is really with you when you're a red-Assed Jedi.

Continuing with the life lessons:

Bong-water will only make your mouth drier.

Nov-11-2007 11:33

Don't try to read forums and fully understand them when you're fully tired and can't sleep. :D