Basically, on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), what would you rate my intro?
Ahhh...he was my friend, and maybe I've known him too long to finally feel a tingle up my spine every time my lips whispered hisname. Me, as a professional detective and turning serious and business-like whenever there's a murder to be solved DOES NOT and I repeat-DOES NOT fall in love easily and get googly-eyed...but this time, it's real. I can feel it in every bone in my body and I daydreamed about him the way I used to daydream about...Never mind.
First I pictured his straight hair and those brown eyes glistening in a smile. Then I imagined his right hand reaching out to hold mine...Before I could drift off to La-la Land, I realized that I was messily decorating the cover of my detective notebook with his name, Thaddeus Ringold.
Over the last aching days of my life, I have never felt so lonely. I needed someone and I needed to make some friends and not stay in this cramped, dusty place called a Detective Agency as known as home.
Suddenly, a figure burst in my door and as soon as I saw his face, my mood brightened. "Hi," I said shyly and realized that that was the lamest thing I could've said. However, he didn't seem to care
as a rush of words left his perfectly-shaped lips.
"My Best Friend has been murdered! I couldn't trust the police, so I came to you. I know you're the best around," he smiled. My heart was beating a thousand times a minute as the person I loved showered me with compliments. It pounded so hard in my chest that I was afraid that he'd hear it. "Uh..Umm..Wow..I'd love to help!" I stammered, wondering if I had sounded as excited as I felt. I promised to myself I wouldn't mess this up.
Here is an excellent example of why gender specific intro's shouldn't be used.
This is an extract from an intro on a case today.
""You're her Mother, aren't you?" I said, "maybe we could help each other ou
He gave me the names of some people of interest. Then, he made it very clear which way his suspicions pointed."