Sleuth Home - Message Boards - Role Playing Stage

Mar-2-2009 09:58

In the spirit of giving to our community in these tough times, I have decided to start my own contest as well.

I will give a free gift 3 month sub (you heard it... 3 months) to the sleuth who comes up with the most creative explanation/story as to why Joey "Bulldog" Bane cannot manage to get himself removed as a contestant from the Contest Formerly Known as "Revive the Stage". This should be a fictional story/explanation, and I will not tolerate any attack against any past, present, or future Sleuth member.

Anyone can post their story. If you do not wish to be included in the contest, you can still post. You will not be forced to be considered for the prize. And if you wish to enter, but don't need a gift sub, maybe we can come up with an alternative prize for you.

I will be the sole judge, so come on... amuse me. This is really a selfish request because I find his predicament quite hysterical and I want to see what all you creative sleuths out there can come up with.

Contest will run for one week. I will announce the winner on Monday, March 9.

Mar-5-2009 02:35

Just a little something that cracked me up. A Freudian slip maybe.........while attempting to shape my story on notepad my title I noted was Bulldong Bane

Mar-5-2009 14:10

Joey "Bulldog" Bane grew up in a house full of people. The product of a large extended family he began life with noise and laughter always filling the house. His favourite family member was Aunt Beatrice. Deaf as a post, Aunt Beatrice was always telling everyone "Speak up sonny!" She was also always good for a sweet which she pulled from the massive folds of her dress. Joey always wondered where those sweets were hidden.

One night Joey decided he would find out about the hidden pockets in Aunt Bea's dress. He wanted to know where those sweets came from. He snuck into her bedroom........Aunt Beatrice was so revered in this extended family that she was the only one who had a room to herself..........and very quietly he started inspecting his aunt's dress which was hanging on the back of the door. Strange he couldn't find anything. There didn't seem to be anything but plain old cloth here. No sweets anywhere.

Just as he was about to give up in despair, he turned to look at Aunt Beatrice sleeping on her bed. He noticed one leg sticking out from under the blankets. Oddly, it was very hairy and very very masculine. Puzzled Joey looked over to the nightstand and there he saw what looked to him like a severed head. The head had the same hair style as Aunt Bea..........curiosity killed the cat.........he had to have a closer look.

Stepping as lightly as he could, he moved over beside the bed. Peering at the shape in the dark he realized it was a mannequin head. Why would Aunt Bea have a head like that? Reaching out to touch it...........Joey screamed. Aunt Bea had woken up and had hold of his arm.......only that wasn't Aunt Bea was it? Wait the face looked like Aunt Bea but with a close cropped head like a mans? What was going on here?

Mar-5-2009 14:10

Aunt Beatrice reached out with his/her other hand and picked up the hair from the manequin. She/he managed to put it on her head and within a minute she looked like Aunt Bea again. But wait..........Joey's eyes traveled down her face to her...his...HOLY COW!

Aunt Beatrice was an uncle. There on his Aunts HAIRY chest was a brassiere filled with sweets. "Urrrggghhhh" Joey screamed. He yanked his arm from Aunt/Uncle Beatrice's grasp and ran screaming from the house.

From that day on Joey would pick fights with anyone and everyone just so people would hit him. He thought maybe he could have the image of his cross dressing Aunt with a sweet filled brassiere knocked from his head for good. But it never worked. Every time he lay his head down and closed his eyes he would have nightmares about that HAIRY chest.

Mar-5-2009 21:33

OMG!!! I love it! I've been gone of late... I'm sick with mono, (grrrrrrrrrrrr), and just logged in when I woke up to see what was up.

I really needed that laugh.

:D

Thanks!

Mar-5-2009 21:47

Glad to see someone else shares my sense of humor Anais ;)

Mar-8-2009 10:58

Only one more day to get your entries in!

Mar-8-2009 14:13

Poor Joeys problems started when he went into the govt office to get his detectives license.

He was the only person standing in line, yet he continued to be ignored. After 20 mins of employees walking right past him he finally spoke up. "Can someone explain why noone is paying attention to me?" The excuse was, "Oh, I didn't see you there"

Then he started noticing the same thing in other places, The Barber Show, The Tailor, etc.

"Now, I know what the problem is. It's like I'm not even here", he said to himself. It was at that time he realized he had the power of invisibility.

Groaning, he shakes his head.

Mar-8-2009 20:35

Once upon a time, when little Joey was barely a week old, he was visited by his fairy godmother. You’re going to have to take my word that she was a fairy, because there was nothing remotely fairy like about her. She was a grubby old thing, dressed in a falling apart dress that had clearly been attempted to be fixed. Only the attempt wasn’t all that good. Standing at her tallest she would’ve barely reached my hips, but no one would get a chance to see that because the only humans she would allow to see her were the babies she was giving her gifts to.

Now the life of Joeys poor godmother was riddled with problems. To begin with, she had been given the repulsive name of Flopsy. Now why someone would want to name a fairy godmother after a rabbit is beyond me, but it happened and she now has to live with it. Many years of having the name Flopsy has caused the poor dear to have a rather short temper, mainly due to her disgust! Another problem was that for one reason or another, there weren’t many fairy godmothers around anymore. Flopsy could remember the day when there weren’t enough babies for Fairy Godmothers; there was a waiting list and all. Now it seemed, she was the only Fairy around, they had all disappeared long ago, probably attempting to become the new tooth fairy.

Mar-8-2009 20:35

So Flopsy was all alone with no one to help her. Her life was constantly filled with stress, you see you could never give two children the same gift, and once you’ve used up good looks and a beautiful voice… things get a tad tricky. She’d started giving people an abundance of cabbage and the ability to burp the alphabet. Which aren’t nice gifts at all.

So, when it was Joeys night to receive his gift, poor old Flopsy was very tired and overworked. There had been a baby boom and all the gifts she had been thinking up over the past few years had been used up on all the other children. Poor old Joey was the last child she was visiting that night. She stood over his crib for a long time, attempting to figure out what to give him. Finally she caught a whisper of a conversation coming from outside:
“I just want him to tell me what I want to hear” she heard a woman screech. “Rather than whatever he intends to say.”
‘What a brilliant gift’ Flopsy thought. ‘I almost can’t believe I didn’t come up with it myself.’
So, muttering the magic words she’d repeated many times before, she gave Joey a gift. That whenever he says something, other people would hear only what they wanted to.

Joeys father walked into the room at that point, only to see a short stout woman scrambling out the window. He quickly walked over to his son, checking that everything was alright.
“Can you say dada?” he asked his son (rather foolish to ask your week old son to start speaking don’t you think)
“Goo” Joey murmured.
“EUREKA! HE SPEAKS!!!!!!”
Naturally, Joeys father heard exactly what he wanted to hear.

Mar-8-2009 20:36

It got worse, all throughout his childhood, he was considered a genius, because he gave the teachers all the answers he wanted to hear. When he was 17, he ended up with 5 girlfriends (downstairs has never been quite the same since) and for some reason, he ended up in a boxing tournament because the judge couldn’t understand that he had never boxed in his life.

So he turned to writing. It seemed that people always misinterpreted his words when he spoke them, but when he wrote, they came out just the way he wanted them. It was all going well until one fatal day, where the newspaper he was writing for offered a competition, whoever contributed the most would win a free holiday. Thinking back to his last holiday, where he had somehow bought the entire contents of a lolly shop when he thought he was just asking for one lolly, Joey approached his boss, Ms Hugs, and asked for his name to be removed from the competition.
“You REALLY want to win” she bellowed. “Here that everyone, Joey wants to win out little competition.”
No matter what he tried, even when he asked people not to vote for him, they would wink and say
“Don’t worry Joey, I was going to vote for you anyway. But taking me out to dinner will help you…”

Luckily, he was pipped at the post by a more charming and better looking contestant. Looks like the French fairies were far better equipped than the ill-fated Flopsy!