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CONTEST: Once Upon a Noir...
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Nov-18-2007 10:24

Well, it's bedtime and I can't sleep. I wanna hear a story!!!

But not just any story, no... that would be too easy. I wanna hear a noir fairy tale.

THE PREMISE: Take a fairy tale and make it Noir.

THE RULES: * Must be based on an existing fairy tale - doesn't have to be a popular one, but at least point me to the original, if it's an obscure one.
* All entries must be posted no later than 11:59 PM, November 30, 2007.
* Spelling and grammar count.
* Please be realistic with story length. If it takes three posts to tell, it's too long!!

THE PRIZES: I'm workin' on it...but there will be prize(s).

I know the last couple of contests were on the restrictive and difficult side, and rewriting a fairy tale as Noir may not be the simplest thing, but there are very few restrictions and rules this time - so let's see what you've got!


Kevin Greene
Kevin Greene
Old Shoe

Nov-21-2007 14:27

Once upon a time, there was a young lady named Cinderella. Cinderella lived with her widowed father in a small town. In need of money, Cinderella’s father married a nasty, slave driving, rich woman. The woman and her two daughters, just as nasty, sold Cinderella’s father’s old home, and they all moved into her castle.

Cinderella’s father went to a convention, leaving poor Cinderella to be tormented by her stepmother and stepsisters.

And, torment her they did. She was forced to clean, and cook, and sweep, and, even clean the fireplace!

Cinderella had been invited to the royal ball by a prince, after meeting him, completely on accident. It was love at first sight for him, so he invited her.

Well, since she was not rich, a young fairy decided to help her out. The dirty rags she was wearing became a beautiful gown, a pumpkin in a field became a chariot, three mice became the chariot drivers, and, most importantly, her bunny slippers became crystal slippers.

So, she was at the ball. She looked so different to the prince, he didn’t recognize her as the servant girl he had met in the field. They had a good time, though. But, Cinderella had to be home by midnight, or all the things the fairy changed would change back!

Cinderella ran home, just before midnight, and hid from the prince, because he loved her, and wanted to marry her. But, she was afraid that if he saw her, he wouldn‘t like her!

In her run home, she lost her crystal slipper. The prince picked it up, and had everyone in the land try an fit into it.

He reached Cinderella’s house. The mother and the two stepsister’s could plainly not fit into it, but Cinderella did. She ran away and married the prince.

Kevin Greene
Kevin Greene
Old Shoe

Nov-21-2007 14:28

When the father came home, he found his new wife and daughters, dead as a doornail in his living room. He couldn’t Cinderella anywhere, so he figured she did it. He was not a private eye, so he couldn’t tell that all three girls had committed suicide, bludgeoning themselves with knives.

When the royal police and coroners came in, the immediately deduced it as a suicide, because everyone in the kingdom knew about the glass slippers and that they had motives.

However, the private eye was not so sure. The father never left the kingdom, so he had to have known about it all.

After correctly deducing that the father knew about the slippers, the marriage, and the glass slipper thing, he believed that the father murdered his wife and daughters. His motive was, of course, her money. The way he did it was obviously stabbing them in their beds, and then moving them to the living room to stage the suicide. Since they were not as advanced in technology back then, they never searched the house, nor did they know how long since the death had occurred.

The private eye, who was smarter than your average cop, knew they had died in their beds from the bloodstained sheets, meaning it had to have been murder. No way can a murdered woman get out of bed, walk down steps, and die in the living room. No. Someone had to put them there. So, you can see how the private eye figured out how the daddy did it.

Cinderella, of course, didn’t care. She loved her new hubby too much to care about the murder of her tormenters, and the conviction of her father, who didn’t love her anyway.

So, things back in the olden times weren’t so different from now, was it?

That wasn't too long! :-)


Nov-21-2007 21:29


I'm cute. :)

Oh... sorry, the REAL announcement:

Contest winner will receive, as their prize, a unique fairy-tale themed item created for them by Ben. YAY Ben!!


Violet Parr
Violet Parr

Nov-26-2007 02:08

Once Upon a Noir... there was a slimy drunkard Prince who spent all his days lurking in the dark corners of bars, and his nights sulking in his mother’s cabaret.

His mother, Big Lucy, wanted nothing more than to have him married and off her back "emotionally and financially. However, Prince Shady would not marry unless Big Lucy secured him a share of her Cabaret. On the other hand, Big Lucy would not allow Prince Shady his share of her Cabaret unless he married a beautiful sleuth Princess.

Days and nights came and went until one night there was a sharp knocking on the Cabaret door. Outside, soaking wet in the rain, stood a young lady by the name of Violet. Prince Shady was instantly taken by her and insisted that she is to be his future wife.

“Not before I test her Shady.” Big Lucy asserted. “She must be as delicate as any sleuth Princess is. We shall follow the Queen’s example in my favourite childhood fairytale: ‘The Princess and the Pea’”.

“The Princess and the what?!” asked Shady.

Violet interjected. “I believe your mother is referring to the story of the Princess whom was so sensitive that she could feel a tiny green pea placed under 36 feather mattresses.” She turned to Big Lucy. “She must be wondering if I’m as dainty and delicate.”

Big Lucy eyed Violet then laughed. “Ha! You seem so hardened you wouldn’t feel my whole Cabaret under your mattress!”

“Let’s put her to the test mother. See if she’s a real sleuth princess and if she is I’ll wed her!” Shady was eager.

“Well I shan’t participate in such an unseemly game!” Violet announced as she dramatically turned to march out back into the rain.

“Oh well.” sulked Shady. “It seems I will have to find another sleuth princess to spend all this money I’ve been collecting for years on.”

Violet turned abruptly, her eyes suddenly sparkled. “Perhaps it would be fun to see whether or not I am a real sleuth princess after all.”


Violet Parr
Violet Parr

Nov-26-2007 02:09

A few minutes after midnight, Violet sat up on a pile of mattresses arranged in the middle of the now silent Cabaret. She started to carefully apply purple makeup to her thigh. “That should create the desired bruise effect.”

“Oh no you don’t!” hissed a voice in the dark.

“Why Shady! It’s not very gentlemanly of you coming to my chamber at this hour.”

“You’re not sweet talking your way out of this one!”

“Come now, let’s make a deal. I understand Big Lucy will not write you in her will unless you get married.” Violet smiled reassuringly. “You marry me and get your Cabaret, and, in return, you wipe my record clean for free whenever I need it.”

Shady struck a deal with the fake sleuth Princess, and they lived happily ever after… Until of course the reading of Big Lucy’s will.


Nov-27-2007 04:48

3 posts defiently to long? Cant seem to get mine down more than to less than 5100 characters. I can work on it and hack it about a bit if 2 posts is the max.


Nov-27-2007 09:58

Well, to be honest, I'd prefer the longer, better story. If you have to hack the crap out of it to make it fit two posts, then go for the three. I guess the better guideline would be quality over quantity...

On the other hand, please don't pad an entry just to make it long! It can be short and good, too.

Umm, this post is pointed at everyone, not just Stooby. :)

Kevin Greene
Kevin Greene
Old Shoe

Nov-27-2007 16:01

Very nice Violet! Is there any more???

I thought Noirs had to include murder though! I looked it up on Wikipedia, so I'm guessing it's right...


Nov-28-2007 01:17

Little Dead Ridding-Hood.

Once Upon a Time in old London Town there lived a young girl who always wore red. She was known as Little Red Ridding-Hood…

Vanessa Riding-Hood was my Goddaughter. A wonderfully spirited child of 5 she truly brought some life and cheer to my dark existence as a Sleuth. And now she was dead.

I had to find out who had killed her, whether to bring Vanessa justice or revenge I could not say.

One of my informants had contacted me to tell she had heard some news I might be interested in. Her name was Grandma, she had always been known that way, long before her hair turned white. No-one knew why but I thought it might be due to her wise and tenacious attitude that the elderly sometimes get, showing a steely fearless attitude that belies their age. Grandma had a heart and she brought justice in the only way she knew how. Nothing illegal ever happened in her block of flats and she helped me whenever she could. A slipped note here, a name there, a few words pointing me in the right direction… and killers and abusers were locked away, making her neighbourhood that little bit safer.

And so armed with my usual basket of provisions… just helping out an elderly friend… I knocked on the door of her flat.

The door swung open, a worrying sign from a usually sensible paranoid type. I stepped into the apartment and called out “Grandma?”

There was no answer and so as I stepped towards her bedroom I drew my revolver. I had won the gun in a poker game a year before, a deadly weapon with enough punch to knock a man dead at 100 paces; its owner Todd “Lumberjack” Harris had called it The Woodcutter.

I saw someone was in the bed, covers pulled high, barely able to make out their face in the dim light, the heavy curtains still drawn.

“Are you alright Grandma?” I asked.

“Hrmph” came the reply.

“My what very black hair you have Grandma… my what dreadfully black facial hair your have…”


Nov-28-2007 01:18

As I quickly pulled back the curtains the figure in the bed leapt out, pushed me roughly aside and ran.

I picked myself up off the floor and checked that my assailant had left. I then looked at the hair I had roughly pulled from the face of “Grandma” as he ran from the room.

A quick check of the room revealed Grandma pushed hurriedly into the wardrobe. I had clearly disturbed her killer before he could get away, I had a feeling this killer was the same that had murder little Vanessa Riding-Hood and had silenced Grandma after learning she knew of his crime.

Now this was even more personal, Grandma and I shared a common goal, a kindred spirit in a world going to hell. So without hesitating I went strait to see Edmund Bowlin the barber.

As I always did I slid in the back way. Taking a quick glance into the shop I could see that Edmund had a customer. I gave me usual rap on the door frame and slipped into the shadows to wait for the barber.

I didn’t have to wait long and in a whispered voice he asked “How can I help you detective?”

I hurriedly showed him the hair and asked him if he could tell me anything about it.

“Why yes I can detective, the owner is sat out the front; he came in clearly in a hurry and said he needed a total change of appearance. Now I know what that means and I don’t want any trouble here detect…”

I pushed past Edmund and burst into the barbers. The Woodcutter was levelled at the back of the head of the man in the chair before he could react. Now in the good light, angry face staring at me in the mirror I knew exactly who this was, a local thug, a burglar and mugger, rumoured to be a killer for hire, “Brian Wolf you are under arrest.” I said in my most intimidating voice.

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