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Old Shoe

Feb-4-2007 23:55

The quotable missus, during the final quarter of the Super Bowl:

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid, I get it so shut up. This is the last down, and a down is like a chance. If they don't move ten yards in the direction they want to go in four chances they lose possession of the ball. There a four quarters in a game. Stop laughing; you're laughing at me. Shut up. How many downs til they get the new quarterback? Oh that man caught the ball even though he wasn't a Chicago player, now he's running the other way. I think Indianapolis will win this game."

*will let this settle before he complicates things with CFL rules*

heard anything quotable lately?



Oct-19-2007 16:51

You're a magnet, Crunchman. A Magnet.

Old Shoe

Nov-1-2007 23:50

Yeah, but I'm totally polarized and I still don't know north from south.

The quotable friendly neighbourhood slogan of the day in front of a church:

"The ark was built by amateurs. The Titanic was built by experts. Think about it!"

That one made me want to send money to Tom Cruise. Good thing I was driving.

Gardener Greene
Gardener Greene

Nov-2-2007 08:20

Quotable employees of a fast food establishment:

Male Employee enters bathroom, does business, and leaves quickly.

Female Employee: "You didn't wash your hands."

Male Employee: "So? I don't handle meat. I'm on fries."

Female Employee: "That doesn't matter."

Male Employee: "Yeah it does. Hot oil kills germs, so the fries are okay. They just have us do the whole washing hands thing so the meat handlers won't feel all picked on or something."

Female Employee: "Oh."


I'm scared.

Loretta Devine
Loretta Devine

Nov-2-2007 11:47

I'm terrified!

My husband's grandmother, discussing an acquaintance:

"I know a lot more about her now she's dead."


"I still like her, though".

Old Shoe

Nov-26-2007 23:58

Ugh, creepy. See what happens when CSI is too popular???

The quotable Canadian Public Radio, a few days ago:

"Steve explained to the police that he was an artist specializing in the intersection of art and science. He tasted the bacteria in the petri dishes to prove that they were harmless, but the police didn't find this explanation credible. They took his cat, operating on the theory that he must be using the cat as a vector to spread bacteria through the neighbourhood."

Old Shoe

Jan-18-2008 00:15

From the quotable missus patty, on New year's day a couple of weeks ago:

She: Nothing's open because it's New Year's, and I'm bored. Let's go for a walk.

Me: Okay, I like walks.

She: I need a hat. It's cold out. Can you look at what hats are available?

Me: *looks in hat box* Sure. There's a black and white striped one.

She: I don't want one. It's too stripey. Are there any others?

Me: Yes, there's one that's just like the striped one, but it's just plain black. Want that one?

She: I dunno. What does it look like?

The quotable guy picking food in the food bank I'm volunteering in right now:

Me: Okay, I can give you some canned fish. We've got tuna, salmon, a bunch of canned ham which is actually there by mistake, and some other stuff. I think it's sardines.

Him: I don't want any more tuna. I know it's free, but how much do you guys think we like tuna? I'm sick of it!

Me: Something else, then?

Him: Yeah. See those oysters? Yeah, gimme those. I might be homeless, but I'm high-class homeless.

Old Shoe

Jan-18-2008 01:37

LOL Hat box!

Lucky Stiff

Jan-18-2008 04:43

oh crunchpatty!! i went to that website and ... 'I think my iPod's gay" HAHAHAHAH!!!!!

here's mine:

"you're an anaesthetist? i thought you were a doctor!"


Old Shoe

Feb-16-2008 00:16

The quotable ditzy kid running the alterations booth at my local ultra-trendy yoga-gear purveyor, while trying to buy my short brother some new pants so that he doesn't go to his pilates class in jeans anymore:

Me: Can you alter these to a 29 inch inseam?

Her: Did you try them on?

Me: They're not for me.

Her: We really try to encourage customers to try on the pants. It's better.

Me: Yeah but I'm not a customer, really. I'm buying these for my brother. He's Pretty short. Can you just make a mark to indicate that I want them to have a 29 inch inseam?

Her: Yeah totally!

*she measures*

Her: Ok!

Me: That's not gonna work. That's actually a 32 inch inseam.

Her: *gets out measuring tape again* Okay how long did you want it again?

Me: 29 inches please.

Her: On both legs?

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