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DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home



Replies

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Oct-26-2005 20:55

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "Really? What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Nov-2-2005 18:33

I just couldn't pass this one up...ha!
--------------------------------------

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"




Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon
Nomad

Mar-21-2006 01:12

How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.

Rhiemma Moon
Rhiemma Moon
Well-Connected

Mar-21-2006 01:23

A man and wife were driving through the country. They had just had a terrible row and now were both stewing in silence.

They drove past a farm and saw a group of donkeys out in a pasture. The husband finally spoke up and snidely said, "Remind you of anyone?"

The wife replied, "Yeah, my in-laws."


crunchpatty
crunchpatty
Old Shoe

Mar-21-2006 02:33

*can't believe I'm stooping this low, lol*

why did the iguana fall out of the tree?

(he slipped)

why did the second iguana fall out of the tree?

(he slipped)

why did the third iguana fall out of the tree?

(he slipped)

why did the fourth iguana fall out of the tree?

(peer pressure)

Charlie Cain
Charlie Cain
Thespian

Mar-21-2006 05:14

your elevator doesnt go all the way to the top

Charlie Cain
Charlie Cain
Thespian

Mar-21-2006 05:36

theres a old man, a muscle man, and a baby.

the old man walks in to a hotel and asks for a room, the clerk says we got one room left but its haunted. I aint scared of no ghost says the old man.
Ok says the clerk follow me. The old man walks in to the room and sees a pile of money on the table. He starts putting money in his pockets and hears I'm the ghost of Able Fable I say the money stays on the table. The old man runs jumps out the window and kills himself.

Next the Muscle man comes in and asks the clerk for a room the clerk says you in luck we just got a opening but the room is haunted. I am not scared of anything says the muscle man. The clerk takes him to the room. The muscle man sees all the money and starts putting it in his speedo he hears a voice I'm the ghost of Able Fable I say the money stays on the table so the muscle man runs jumps out the window and kill himself.

The baby comes in and tells the clerk I need a room the clerk says lucky for you I have one but its haunted. I aint scared of no ghost says the baby. The clerk takes him to the room the baby sees all the money and starts to put it in his diaper and hears the voice I'm the ghost of Able Fable I say the money stays on the table the baby replies I'm the son of Peter Piper I say the money stays in my diaper.

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Mar-21-2006 10:24

What's worse then having winterfeet? ....snowballs

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Mar-21-2006 10:34

This reply has been deleted by a moderator.

Charlie Cain
Charlie Cain
Thespian

Mar-21-2006 10:53

who knows how to catch a polar bear?

you cut a hole in the ice and put peas around it when the bear comes out to take a pea you kick it in the icehole.

ha ha ha

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