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DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home



Replies

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Oct-5-2005 18:19

Wow, you made it up? Good one Colonel. I usually make people laugh by the silly things I do or say, and usually what happens to me...LOL!

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Oct-5-2005 21:05

Annoy People
-----------------------------------------------
1)Pay tolls with $100 bills

2)Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot

3)Eat produce at the market; don't buy it

4)When giving directions, leave out a turn or two

5)Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April

6)Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons

7)Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines

8)Announce when you're going to the bathroom

9)Chew other people's pencils

10)Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

11)Wear large hats during the movies

12)Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus

13)Bite your dentist's finger

14)Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

15)Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads

16)Don't stand during hymns and anthems

17)Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa

18)Tell people they have bad breath

19)Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

20) Flirt with a friend's spouse

21) Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team

22) Shake with your left hand

23) Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

24) Drum on every available surface.

25) Staple papers in the middle of the page.

26) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

27) Honk and wave to strangers.

28) Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

29) Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. (Texan does this to us..hehe!)

30) Decline to be seated








DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Oct-6-2005 20:49

1.If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

2. Is there another word for synonym?

3. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"

4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

5. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

6. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

7. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

8. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

9. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

10. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

11. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

12. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

13. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

14. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

15. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

16. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

17. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?



Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Oct-7-2005 10:43

haha i like this one, and its true. some poor men just cant get it right,no matter what they say LOL

A DINNER CONVERSATION GONE WRONG..

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."


DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Oct-7-2005 16:07

That was funny Mak:) Hey, here's a few funny jokes texan told me today, then he asked me to share them here for him, so here goes,

DUMB BLONDE JOKES:

A man was in his front yard mowing the lawn when his blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house.....then a little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?", she glares at him and replies, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying,"You've got Mail."

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Oct-7-2005 16:46

FOR SOME THE ROMANCE NEVER DIES:

An Older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you use to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across and gave her a peck on the cheek, then settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the covers and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "TO GET MY TEETH!"

Colonel Shanty
Colonel Shanty

Oct-7-2005 16:52

LOL! Good one, DaRu! Let me add on to this theme by giving you another humorous short:

DUMB BLONDE JOKES - Blonde and Blind
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Debbie Rosenbloom was the prettiest girl on the block. What the guys didn't know, though, was that she was "a few fries short of a Happy Meal." Ray, the cool guy, was flirting with Debbie when she was walking her dog, Fluffy. "Hi sweet pea," he crooned as she picked up Fluffy's mess from a flower garden. "I like vegetables!" she admitted. "Not peas, though. I'm more of a cabbage gal." Flustered, Ray tried harder to get her attention. "You look cute today, honey bunny!" he said in a soft voice. "Bunny's are cute!" she admitted. "Though I'm not much of a bunny lover." Desperate to catch her attention, Ray dug on. "Debbie, I just wanted to say that your perfume smells as sweet as a bouquet of flowers!" Debbie sighed. "My mom made me wear it. I stink up the house!" she giggled. "Although, I don't like the smell of flowers." Ray flung his hands in the air, then went back inside his house. Debbie scratched her head, and kept on walking. "Was that guy talking to me? I thought he was talking to you, Fluffy!" she said to the dog.

Colonel Shanty
Colonel Shanty

Oct-7-2005 16:53

I posted before I got to see the "For Some the Romance Never Dies." The "Blonde and Blind" story was a continuation of dumb blonde jokes.

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Oct-7-2005 20:37

LOL Daru!! Good ones!

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Oct-9-2005 15:45

Thank you my dear..Makensie! Here's couple that's cute.

OLD GEEZERS:

"A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to this wife by endearing terms, calling her "Honey, My love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, and so on.

The Guest was impressed since the couple had been married amost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend, "I think it's wonderful, that after years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet name. His buddy hung his head, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
-------------------------------------------------
CALL THE PREACHER

The Pentecostal minister had been summoned to the beside of the Presbyterian woman who was quite ill. As he went up the walk, he met the little daughter of the woman and said to her,
"I'm very glad your mother remembered me in her illness. Is your minister out of town?" "No!, answer the child, He's at home, but we thought it might be something contagious, and we didn't want to expose him to it."
-------------------------------------------------BLONDE JOKE:

A blonde walked into an airport and up to the ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuh, back here!" THE END!......ha!


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