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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home



Sep-19-2005 09:19

Quote: Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Which makes me wonder if it's any less annoying to have mosquitoes crashing into your forehead…ala with birds into windows?

Quote: Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

But once you've finished picking the skin out of your teeth, you're ready for a nap.

Quote: Turtles can breathe through their butts.

I've heard a number of humans exhale through their butts.

Quote: Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

I can relate…my wife often blinks rapidly upon seeing what I'm wearing…I think to make sure her eyes aren't fooling her (hoping they are).

Quote: It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

Reminds me of an old college trick of telling attractive females that attractive females are unable to touch their elbows together behind their backs. ;)

Quote: Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Look no further than George Burns...,%20George

Quote: A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

It's nice to know I won't be taunted before/after being eaten.

Quote: Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

And almost every female co-ed will at least begin to attempt to touch her elbows together behind her back…but it's juvenile, perverted and tasteless…so please don't use it.


Sep-19-2005 10:07

Hahahah Lasttrain. Good one.


Sep-19-2005 17:39

I hate to admit this, but I tried licking my elbow, (glad texan wasn't looking), anyway, either my arm was too long, or tongue too short...hehe. Afterwards, I looked up facts about double jointed people, but didn't find anyone who accomplished it. I would think a person with a double jointed elbow could force the issue, but perhaps not. Ok, Last Train, you win...I'll hush...wink! wink!

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Sep-19-2005 21:10

What about those Chinese who fit into bottles...? I've seen that in real life...


Sep-21-2005 14:02

Wow, that would have been neat to see. I love watching shows like this. Ok, here's a couple of jokes I found.....(Just so everyone knows, it wasn't me who seen the psychiatrist..hehe!)

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy " I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Sep-22-2005 08:21

LOL!! Daru!

Lady Emerald Devon
Lady Emerald Devon

Sep-22-2005 10:11

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on
his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of
hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, ''Cool it. I am going to set
up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.''
So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.
They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent
e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did
some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten
minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky,
thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted
their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming ''It's gone!
It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!''
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. ''Wait! He cheated, how did
he do it?''
God shrugged and said, ''Jesus saves.''

Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Sep-22-2005 11:29

hehehe thats a good one Lady!


Sep-22-2005 20:11

Hee hee hee! I laughed out loud at that one!


Sep-22-2005 20:27

Great joke Lady Emerald, as I read it out loud to my hubby, we both had a good laugh.

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