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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home

Jul-28-2005 23:08

I'm glad you enjoyed the jokes Makensie. I thought you'd like them. Today I found another one I thought was funny.Sorry I haven't been on much lately to help keep the humor going..hehe. Thanks everyone for sharing. I know I've had a lot of fun looking up humor and jokes online. Until later....idios everyone!

Jul-28-2005 23:13

Hey there jojo227, my sweet friend. Yelp, so true. Never know what a child's gonna say..LOL

Jul-29-2005 17:15


Words with 2 meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes

About all of this is true LOL and especially the remote control....I cant watch tv with my fiance`, he watches 50 all at one time. Drives me insane! That is why we're going to get a tv for the bedroom,and that is where HE is going to be watching television so I actually know what the heck is on the crazy thing hahaha

Jul-29-2005 18:45

LOL, I love these!!! Thanks for sharing!

Jul-30-2005 05:49

lol, most of these are so true. male bonding, lol.

just be glad us guys leave a note. but either way, we are screwed./

Jul-30-2005 16:36

So true Mackenzie, we have 4 televisions in our house, 2 with DVR capability, and we STILL fight over the TV at Nascar time every Sunday!

Jul-30-2005 20:31

LOL!

He, for some reason,thinks he should have the remote control when he walks in the door. So when I have certain shows I want to watch, I say "Nope, this is Michelle night, sorry" Be glad when we have a tv in bedroom, so I can say "Go to your room" LOL

Jul-30-2005 23:22

So true about the remote control. Waylon/texan sits with the remote in his hand the entire time he watches tv and flips through the channels, even during a movie, he'll change channels back and forth till I get flustered in trying to watch with him. I get so confused in what's going on and what movie is it...hehe. He actually watches three shows at the same time and from his constantly pushing on the buttons he wears the button out. To me he goes through remote controls like I do panty hose...LOL. I swear this is true, he actually pushes the button so much that they fall inside so we have to buy more. Guess that's because he has such strong hands...ha! No really, I was just wondering, is most men like him? Sometimes I hide the remote, but he usually finds it, then hides it from me. I usually wind up going to the front room and watching the other tv so I can enjoy my show...LOL. OH well, he's my baby.

Jul-30-2005 23:31



Types of computer viruses
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fi

Jul-31-2005 09:43

Daru, I think most men are like that hehehe Although, in my parents house,it is my mom who has the control of remote control. Go Mom! hahaha Dad will have the remote, and he will say "What do u want to watch?" Mom will say "I dont care" so Dad starts flipping through the stations,and mom will say "Turn that back" so he does. She says "Ok,turn it".....she starts telling him what channels to put it on,so eventually he just tosses the remote to her and lets her have it. teehee