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DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home



Replies

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-6-2005 17:43

we weren't about to chance him doing this, because it was so far to shore, and there were so many snakes, gar and creatures in the water that would love to make a meal out of him. If I couldn't have scooped him out, we would have dove in, snakes and all, to save his life, and thankfully I got him out quickly. Here's another true funny story I'd like to share.....One of our homes was right on the golf course at the 9th green. Our neighborhood had a private tennis court to use, which was right in our back yard, where we often played tennis and took Woodrow. The first time we played, I took a blanket for Woodrow and us to sit on when we got tired, as well as a toy or two and water and food. During our first game, when we knocked our first tennis ball out of bounds, Woodrow took off like a blue streak after it and picked it up in his tiny little mouth and ran back to his blanket and dropped it. Then we noticed he'd stand guard waiting for another ball to go out of bounds then he'd take off and bring it back over and over again, dropping the balls into his little pile. What was so amazing Woodrow would do this for hours or as long as we played. Another thing he started doing is when other players knocked their balls out of bound, he'd do the same thing but instead of taking them to the owner, he'd take it to his pile. Thankfully, the players thought he was so cute and laughed about it, instead of getting upset. I figured someday someone would tell us to leave him at home, but it was so cute. These are precious memories we'll never forget until the day we die.

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-6-2005 18:12

Correction/spelling>>> humorous. (I made other mistakes but not enough to worry about).Wish there was a way to spell check it. Guess I should cut and paste from my notepad, and I'll probably hear from you jstkdn, about this..hehe.

Jojo
Jojo
Old Shoe

Jul-6-2005 19:13

MB, don't worry about the word.

This is for 13+. Remember that when posting.


No one should take offense.

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-6-2005 19:48

I found several blonde jokes that I thought everyone would love and since we‘re on the subject I found several I thought were funny.

A plane is on it’s way to Detroit when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to first class into an open seat in the first class section. The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class since that’s the type of ticket she paid for. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit in style and I‘m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m on my way to Detroit in style, and I’m staying right here.” So the co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. Then the pilot says, “You say the woman is blonde?” I can handle this. I’m married to a blonde and I speak blonde.” The pilot goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry.” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and the co-pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to get her to move back to economy without a scene or fuss and he replies, “I told her first class wasn’t going to Detroit.”
------------------------------------------------
Well, I'm right proud of myself tonight. For the first time I tried out the cut and paste and it worked. This joke I typed using Microsoft Word Task and then copied it and pasted it here. Wow, thanks Sunny for telling me about it over a year ago,and thank you jstkdn for showing me how. Yippie!

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-6-2005 19:50

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."



DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-6-2005 20:22

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help. ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried. ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''



BurghThing
BurghThing
Well-Connected

Jul-6-2005 20:25

A blonde policeman pulled over blonde driver for speeding and asked to see her photo ID.

The blonde driver rummages in her purse and, spying her reflection in a compact, hand this over to the officer.

The officer looks at it and says "Why didn't you tell me you were a police officer, I would have let you off with a warning."

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-7-2005 13:48

Hehe, that was funny. There's so many dumb blonde jokes....and since I'm a true blonde I've often been the target of these jokes,but hey I'm cool with it because I think I'm smart and cute..hehe. OK, I'll admit I thought about dying my hair dark, and perhaps that was why I selected the dark headed avatar, however, as I recall she was the best looker of them all, so I chose it...lol. Anyway, I look forward to using my real picture...besides I have broad shoulders and can take the jokes...I hope...hehe.

DaRu
DaRu
Well-Connected

Jul-8-2005 14:59



After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from though out the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, don't I?"


Makensie Brewer
Makensie Brewer
Super Steeper

Jul-9-2005 13:24

<> I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either.
" Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?

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