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Jul-2-2005 11:10

"A polite way in saying someone is dumb."

1) A few clown short of a circus.
2) A few fries short of a happy meal.
3) A few beers short of a six-pack.
4) Doesn't have all cornflakes in one box.
5) The wheels are spinning, but he hampster's dead.
6) One Froot Loop short of a full bowl.
7) One taco short of a combo plate.
8) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
9) All foam and no beer.
10) Body by Fisher Price and brains by Mattel.
11) Couldn't put water out of a boot even with the instructions on the heel.
12) Chimmey's clogged.
13) Doesn't have all his dogs on a leash.
14) Elevator doesn't go all the way up to the top floor.
15) Her sewing machine is out of thread.
16) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
17) Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
18) Reciever is off the hook.
19) Too much yardage between the goal posts
20) Skylight leaks alittle.
21) The light is on but nobody is home


Lady Grey
Lady Grey

Jul-2-2005 15:00

Or "Batting on a sticky wicket"


Jul-2-2005 15:00

Wasn't there a losing marbles one?


Jul-2-2005 23:54

jstkdn the saying is he doesn't have all of his marbles and here is another one, his breadd is only buttered on one side. This last one is used alot in Texas.

Con Artist

Jul-3-2005 01:22

not the brightest bulb in the box
not the sharpest knife in the drawer
not the sharpest tool in the shed
fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down (can also be used with ugly tree)
couldn't find his butt with two hands and a map
couldn't find his way out of a paper bag with a map and a flashlight.....
that's all i've got for now. :)


Jul-3-2005 06:46

I like the tree one autumnspring. I have to remember a few of the above, I like snappy come back backs. I always use one french fry short of a happy meal or lights are on nobody is home.


Jul-3-2005 06:54

These are the ones I had hanging my office.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted world-view.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

Does everyone visualize duct tape over your mouth so early into the conversation?

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.

Are you a freaking ray of sunshine every day?
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.


Jul-3-2005 06:56

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

You!... Off my planet!

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What am I?... Flypaper for freaks!

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

P. Rockwell
P. Rockwell

Jul-3-2005 14:12

LOL! My favor quote is from Siefeld:

"...Not that theres anything wrong with that!"


Jul-3-2005 15:49

These are signs found throughout England:

VETERINARIAN'S WAITING ROOM OFFICE: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


"You labor - We'll deliver"

SIGN ON AN ELECTRICIAN'S TRUCK: "Let us remove your shorts"

A PIZZA HUT'S SLOGAN: "7 days without pizza makes one weak"

OPTOMETRIST'S OFFICE: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

ON A MATERNITY ROOM DOOR: "Push, push, push."

ON THE FRONT DOOR OF A HOME: " Everyone that lives here is a vegetarian, except the dog."

NON-SMOKING AREA: "If we see you smoking, we'll assume you're on fire and we need to take appropriate action."

MUFFLER SHOP: "No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."

FUNERAL HOME: "Drive careful, we'll wait!"

COMPUTER STORE: "Out for a quick byte"

CAR DEALERSHIP SIGN: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a payment!"

BOWLING ALLEY: "Please be quiet! We need to hear the pin drop"

BEAUTY SHOP: "Dye now"

SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE: "Toilet out of order, please us the floor below"

SIGN ON A REPAIR SHOP: "We can repair anything. Please knock hard on the door-our bell doesn't work."

MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read this leaflet, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

NOTICE IN A FARMERS FIELD: You can walk across the field for free, but the bull charges.


NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: "Anyone leaving their laundry more than 30 days will be disposed of."

NOTICE SENT TO RESIDENTS OF A WILTSHIRE PARISH: "Due to increasing problems with litter, louts and vandals, we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order."

SIGN WARNING OF QUICKSAND: "Any person passing this point will be drowned: By order of the District Council."


Jul-3-2005 15:57

OUTSIDE A PHOTOGRAPHERS STUDIO: "Out to Lunch. If not back by five, out for dinner also.

OUTSIDE A SECONDHAND SHOP: "We exchange anything-bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?"

ON A CHURCH DOOR: "This is the gate to Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. Notice: This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please enter through the side door."

IN AN OFFICE: After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board."

SIGN IN A LODON STORE: "Bargain basement upstairs"

SIGN IN LAUNDROMAT: "Automatic washing machines. Please removed all your clothes when the light goes out."

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