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CONTEST: Once Upon a Noir...
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Anikka
Anikka
Babelfish

Nov-18-2007 10:24

Well, it's bedtime and I can't sleep. I wanna hear a story!!!

But not just any story, no... that would be too easy. I wanna hear a noir fairy tale.


THE PREMISE: Take a fairy tale and make it Noir.

THE RULES: * Must be based on an existing fairy tale - doesn't have to be a popular one, but at least point me to the original, if it's an obscure one.
* All entries must be posted no later than 11:59 PM, November 30, 2007.
* Spelling and grammar count.
* Please be realistic with story length. If it takes three posts to tell, it's too long!!

THE PRIZES: I'm workin' on it...but there will be prize(s).

I know the last couple of contests were on the restrictive and difficult side, and rewriting a fairy tale as Noir may not be the simplest thing, but there are very few restrictions and rules this time - so let's see what you've got!

Replies

Lady Zeugirdor
Lady Zeugirdor
Pinball Amateur

Nov-30-2007 20:12

After they finished eating, Sami himself walked over and asked Crunch to pay for their meals. Crunch told him that Maria had already been paid and hadn’t given them their change yet. Sami called Maria over and asked her about it. “Why, no, Sami” exclaimed Maria, “they didn’t pay for their meals or give me any money.” “Well, then it looks like we have two new dish washers, Maria” Sami said hotly, “Take them in the back and get them started.”

Just as Crunch was about to say something Maria grabbed him and Jas. She hauled them to the kitchen. Crunch twisted out of her grip and demanded why she lied to Sami. Maria hissed, “Because I can…now get working on those dishes!” Jas spoke up, “but we don’t know how to wash dishes.” “It’s not hard, watch” said Maria as she reached for a dirty plate. She leaned over the sink full of almost boiling water. Crunch and Jas snatched her apron and pushed her head down in the water. Once she stopped flailing they ran out the back door.

They ran straight into a big man in a dark suit. “Hey, what’s the hurry” said the man.
“Sorry, we’re in some trouble and got to get out of here” said Crunch testily. Then he stopped and stared at the man. “Hey, you’re Benny, right” asked Crunch. “Depends, kid, who wants to know?” “You came to our apartment”, stated Crunch. “You talked with Dad all hush hush. Before you left you told Dad if he needed anything to let you know, even if it was for friends or family. Then you gave Dad this card and left.” With that he pulled out the card that had the symbol of the La Cosa Nostra on it and showed it to Benny.

Crunch told Benny about the situation and how it had been his stepmother’s idea. “Oh, yeah” replied Benny, “she sounds like a piece of work. Sure, we can help youse kids out. Your Ol’ Man took care of one of my friends”. “Ok” said Benny, let’s go.” Benny, Crunch, and Jas walked over to a black motor car and got in.


Lady Zeugirdor
Lady Zeugirdor
Pinball Amateur

Nov-30-2007 20:13

“Youse two ready to go home?” “We sure are, thanks for your help we surely would have gotten lost on our own.” replied Jas sweetly. “Yeah, it’s a big city, you would’ve.”

He spoke discreetly with the driver of the car, a man named Shady. In no time they pulled up in front of the building. Crunch looked out and saw that it was the right street and building number. “Now, youse kids stay here a minute. My friends and I want a word, with your stepmother before youse go inside” said Benny; as two guys got out of the car. “Stay here with Shady, and don’t bother him, he don’t like kids much, ok?”

Benny and the two men went inside the building. Soon, Crunch and Jas heard popping sounds. Then they saw Benny and his friends coming back out, with Dad bringing up the rear. Crunch and Jas jumped out of the car and ran to him. He knelt down and hugged them. Jas handed the waded up apron to her Dad.

“What’s this” he asked. Jas replied, “It's Maria’s apron. Look inside.” Larry looked in the pocket and saw a wad of cash and a quarter. Benny said, “Good work kids. Maria was an operative of the Order of Socrates. You deserve that for what you did to her.” Crunch grabbed the quarter and said, “Hey, Benny, thanks for your help” and flipped the quarter through the air towards Benny. Benny caught it in his left hand and smiled. “Thanks, kid, we’ll be seeing you around I’m sure.” Benny and his friends climbed into the motor car and drove off into the night.


MooseLady
MooseLady
Well-Connected

Nov-30-2007 21:02

Her name was Cindy. She worked at the Palace Bar & Grille but there was nothing royal about that dive. Cindy was a lousy waitress- she couldn’t get your order right if her life depended on it and you were lucky if you didn’t end up wearing your drink. Her stepmother Aggie ran the place and probably woulda canned her long ago if Cindy didn’t have such great gams.

One night, as the barflies sat sipping watery draft, a flamboyant guy in a stained plum colored crushed velvet suit entered. He approached the bar and asked Aggie for a Scotch and slumped onto a stool next to one of the regulars. As Aggie poured his wine, the Prince vaguely glanced around, meeting the stares of the regulars.

“Whath wiff you buddy?” slurred Stu, one of the regulars.



MooseLady
MooseLady
Well-Connected

Nov-30-2007 21:03

Aggie pushed a smudged glass filled 2/3 full with cheap Scotch in front of the Prince. He winced slightly as he picked up the glass and swigged down the whole thing. After putting the glass on the bar he reached into his pocket and pulled out a glass slipper. Feeling some courage, he climbed on a nearby chair and proclaimed: “I want to find my princess. Her foot will fit into this glass slipper.”

As he bent down to reach for the slipper on the bar, he lost his balance striking his head a table. As the blood puddled around his head, Aggie reached down and grabbed the slipper. Cindy walked over, felt for a pulse, sighed and reached into her pocket for a small scrap of paper.

Moments after she got off the phone Shady and one of his cohorts entered. Aggie handed him some crumpled bills and Shady and his cohort left with the Prince’s lifeless body.


Sophie4
Sophie4
Gopher to the Sleuth Gods

Dec-1-2007 06:39

Such good writing! Each one is a winner. I'm glad I don't have to pick one because there's no way I could without a coin toss. I enjoyed them all.

Anikka
Anikka
Babelfish

Dec-1-2007 11:04

Thanks to everyone who entered! Unfortunately, I don't think any of them will help me get to sleep, because they're just wayyyy too exciting. Oh, well, at least I have some new stories to read. :-)

I'll post the winner(s) as soon as the judges have a chance to get together. But I do agree with Sophie - you're all winners ;-)

a_agarwal
a_agarwal

Dec-2-2007 01:45

Great job everyone... What a twist.

Anikka
Anikka
Babelfish

Dec-4-2007 14:31

Well, congratulations to our winners... umm, errr.... the three nameless people who came in first, second, and third.

I'd like to tell you who they are, but it's Top Secret!

Seriously, we do have winners and their names will be announced, but we're getting prizes sorted and whatnot. As soon as I have it all settled, I'll post names and such.

Meanwhile, congratulations again to all of our writers, who jumped right in there when I was having trouble sleeping. I still can't sleep, but I'll never forget how you all tried to help. :-)

Stooby
Stooby
Well-Connected

Dec-4-2007 15:36

Ooh intrigue :-)

We'll I'll set up a drumroll till the winners are finally anounced!!!

Lady Zeugirdor
Lady Zeugirdor
Pinball Amateur

Dec-4-2007 18:16

Here, let me help with the drumroll. Your arms must be tired.

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