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Nov-18-2007 10:24

Well, it's bedtime and I can't sleep. I wanna hear a story!!!

But not just any story, no... that would be too easy. I wanna hear a noir fairy tale.


THE PREMISE: Take a fairy tale and make it Noir.

THE RULES: * Must be based on an existing fairy tale - doesn't have to be a popular one, but at least point me to the original, if it's an obscure one.
* All entries must be posted no later than 11:59 PM, November 30, 2007.
* Spelling and grammar count.
* Please be realistic with story length. If it takes three posts to tell, it's too long!!

THE PRIZES: I'm workin' on it...but there will be prize(s).

I know the last couple of contests were on the restrictive and difficult side, and rewriting a fairy tale as Noir may not be the simplest thing, but there are very few restrictions and rules this time - so let's see what you've got!

Nov-28-2007 04:26

Basil could not accept Alleluia’s death, and had found her in hospital bed. He had walked up to her and given her one last kiss. She opened her eyes and smiled.
One day, Cleopatra had been reading the newspaper while visiting Shanghai about a new up and coming detective agency, headed by WHAT? The smartest and most charming lady? She had soon found out it was Alleluia. She had and walked straight up to her. “How?” Alleluia smiled, “When my London contact had informed me you were after me again, I had done some research and found that the melavian plant on display had gone missing. I had been chatting with Cyrus Tibby all night and he had informed me of your arrival. I noticed that the new cocktail waitress has the same mole above her eyebrow as you. Not to mention you made your drink to strong, I could smell it 5 ft. away. I wasn’t going to touch that. You wanted me dead, then so be it, I faked it. Basil found a Jane Doe corpse from the morgue that had resembled me and we decided to start over in Delhi. I was polite enough to get out of your way, however if you try to kill me again I have enough on back info on you secured to bring the whole GH down. Let’s play nice.” And she solved cases happily ever after.

Nov-28-2007 04:45

You guys have some great stories. I laughed, I cried :) It will be a very hard competition to judge.

...for the sake of my competetive aries side- do I get brownie points for my story character reflecting my Sleuth character (the same contacts, skills, etc.) LOL sorry, I had to try, right :D

Nov-28-2007 05:00

Perhaps you are right.

Well then I suppose it is left to one's imagination as to who killed whom after the reading of the will.

Nov-28-2007 21:19

Once upon a time, about two weeks ago, I received a disturbing wire from my friend, Prince Charmington. Well, he wasn’t actually a prince anymore. He had been denounced by some very influential people. Actually, one influential person. His mother. The Queen of Woodlandbury. A wee bit of a country at the base of the mountains, about a days travel from town.

It seems he was overheard praising the beauty of a young lass with pale, ivory skin named Pearl White. She worked as a nanny, of sorts, for a group of seven blokes who ran the jewelry store in the village. Well, of course, this enraged the evil, witch-like Queen,who thought her beauty and power were all my ex-prince pal needed to be happy. After a lifetime long, maniacal tirade she stormed from her castle vowing revenge. Two days later Pearl was dead. I immediately hopped on the next train to Woodlandbury.

Upon my arrival I was greeted by her employer/friends. I have to admit I was taken aback by their appearences. They were easily a foot and a half shorter than the average man and extremely stocky. I remember thinking,
"If they played for our rugby team, we'd never lose". I attributed their stature to their work. They not only owned the jewelry store, but they mined and faceted the gems, as well.

The tallest of the group came up and shook my hand saying,

"Good to see you, detective. My name is Bones. And these are my associates, Smiley, Rednose, Shy Boy, Sleepyeye, Mumbler and Ding Dong.
After shaking hands with them my hand looked and felt like a dog's chew toy. Their pain was very obvious. Even in such stout men. I felt sorry for the perpetrater if they found them before I did. We loaded ourselves on a large wagon and headed for their cottage.

I was quite dismayed to find that there was really no crime scene at all.
When I pieced together all the sporadic chatter from my witnesses I realized they didn't witness anything either.

Nov-28-2007 22:40

All they had was a partially eaten apple and a dead maiden. It was quite obvious she had been poisoned. They poor prince didn't say much at all. He just sat by her side and stroked her hair. I started pulling things out of my kit and asked the fellows to take the prince outside for a bit while I investigated. After a couple of hours and a few minor chemical tests I determined, to my amazement, that she was not dead at all. It seemed that whoever had tried to kill her hadn't injected the apple sufficiently. And didn't know that Pearl doesn't chomp her apples like everyone else. But cuts it in very small pieces. Just as a lady should. Therefore not getting the complete dosage. It was all I could do to keep from dashing outside to spread the good news. But that wouldn't help me catch the would-be assassin. And I had to help Pearl first.

I concocted a strong brew of tea laced with honey, lemon, a shot of whiskey and two aspirin. Then gently poured it in her. Being careful not to drown her. It would take a little while for it to take affect and I called out to for the gents to come in. Once they settled down from the information I told them my plan.

I told Smiley to fetch the Queen and tell her that her son was very ill and she must come right away. After what seemed like forever, yet only being several minutes, she arrived. Smiley brought her in and har jaw hit the floor when she saw her son standing before her.

"Wha, what's going on here?" she asked. " You're not sick at all. And what are you doing with that dead girl?"

That's what I was waiting for. Noone but the jewellers, the prince and myself had known anything about this. They were not very public people except in business.

"What makes you think she's dead , Mother?" asked the prince.

"Well,...I,...She, oh never mind that." she blasted. "You just get you things and come home now. I'm not having you hang around with that wench and these hoodlums."

Nov-28-2007 23:04

As she turned to leave she noticed her way was blocked by seven very wide and healthy men. All of them with a scowl. Even Smiley. She thought of yelling for the gaurd until she saw them tied to the wagon. Before she could speak her son said,

" I love her, Mother. And I'm going to marry her."

"Marry a dead girl? You must be mad." she exclaimed.

"Dead, is she?" he replied. He grinned at his mum and then knelt beside his beloved. He leaned forward and gently kissed her tenderly on her supple lips. In a Brief moment Pearl inhaled deeply and flickered her eyes open. Seeing her prince above her she smiled and softly fell asleep. I thought to myself that I'd have to use less whiskey on frailer folks next time.

The next moments happened quickly. The septet escorted the Queen out the door with her sputtering and stuttering the whole time. Neighbors in the village started bringing in blankets and treats and such to help any way they could. I shook the prince's hand in which he held a heavy sack of coin.

"I am forever indebted, my friend." he said.

And with that I left the quaint little village and headed home. I never heard what happened to the Queen. But I recieved another wire a few months later from King Charmington. In it he told me that he and Pearl had gotten married in the village and that she was with child. The jewellers were already building a playroom on their cottage. I smiled as I read the final lines.

"Thanks to you, we can all live happily ever after."

King Charmington

Nov-29-2007 15:56

lol there's some great entries here already. Don't forget the deadline approacheth (says he who is not going to make it :) )

Nov-29-2007 16:42

Once upon a time there were 3 bears. A Papa bear, a
Mama bear and a Baby bear. One day they were out
taking a walk to let their porridge cool down. Upon,
returning to their home, they found that someone had
been eating their porridge and sitting in their
chairs. They went upstairs to look for their intruder
and found that their beds have also been slept it.
The Baby bear however still had someone in his bed.
He decided to take a closer look and discovered a
young woman, only she wasn't sleeping, she was dead.

Being a retired police detective, Papa went right to
work on examining the crime scene. He found several
clues at the scene of the crime. First off was a
small footprint that looked like it came from someone
petite, a very curly blonde hair and a crimson thread.

While searching the body for personal effects, he
found her ID card and that her name was Goldilocks.
He also found a piece of paper with a list titled
"People I don't like" and there were 3 names on the
list: B.B. Wolf, Alice N. Wonderland, and Maria
Gracia.

Papa had his work cut out for him and went off in
search of each of the people on the list to question
them. After interviewing each suspect he found out
that Alice was confirmed to be at a tea party, B.B.
did not check out as the 3 pigs he claimed to be with
said they had not seen him, and Maria had no alibi to
speak of.

By the time the interviews were over he got the
forensics back from the evidence that he had found.
The footprint came from Miss Wonderland, she had a
valid alibi so couldn't possibly be guilty, the hair
was the victims own hair, that meant the killer must
have left the thread, but did it belong to Miss Gracia
or Mr. Wolf?

Nov-29-2007 16:43

Being a good detective, Papa went to Miss Gracia's
house and after accusing her she broke down and
confessed to the crime. Turns out, she felt Goldilocks
got all of the fairy tale accolades that she rightfully deserved.

So what was it that Papa noticed about that thread
that led him to Maria Gracia? Being a good detective,
he noticed the color of the thread. Many people do
not know this, but Maria Gracia also goes by another
name - Little Red Riding Hood.

Nov-30-2007 17:06

LOL Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks and the Three Bears (With a few twists!), The Princess and the Pea, Cinderella... have enough stories for one night, Annika? Time to go to sleepy-sleep, and wake up tomorrow to judge the contest! :-)

Great entries everyone! Especially me. :-)

Nah, nah, nah, just kidding. :-) I would never admit that. :-) :-) :-) :-)