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Your wish is my command
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BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:01

Your wish is my command. Allan Lardin felt quite relaxed as he was seated in his comfortable leather armchair. He whispered these words again.....your wish is my command. As far as he could remember no one ever told him that before. He just liked the sound of it. Imagine everyone would reply to you like that. Like the cop that wants to book you for speeding. Officer, could you do me a favor and tear up what you are just writing? Yes sir, your wish is my command. You walk into the office of your boss and demand an instant raise of salary. Well, yeah, sure Mr. Lardin, YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.

Allan Lardin is 41 and senior editor of a publishing company. He’s lucky enough he can walk the distance every day from his office to his home. That is if he isn’t working at home. Allan loves to take his time while he’s walking his way back home. He’ll always make sure to eat a sandwich at a bench in the park or hang around for a while at the newspaper stand where you can buy that delicious hazelnut flavoured coffee for less than a dollar. It has an awarding effect on him to see how everyone seems to be in a rush and always running out of time while he can take it easy before deadlines are getting too close. Like something he has earned. Besides that, no one will be waiting for him to come home either. That’s how it has always been, even when he was a child. With no intention to buy anything at all Allan felt like blending in with the crowd at the little market place. There’s a market every Friday. He always wondered why not on a Saturday or Sunday. Then again what other excuses would there be left for unsatisfied housewives to leave home without the neighbours becoming too suspicious. Oh please do shut up, he hears himself muttering. Most of the market stands he wasn’t really interested in unless he had one of his candy moods.

Replies

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:02

Moreover he was hoping to be amused by a selection of what he labelled as “oddities”, stuff you can hardly justify to buy but somehow attracts your eye and makes you want to take a closer look at it, or even pick it up and examine how much it weighs or how it would feel like. Like those mugs shaped in the head of Mr. Spock, that illustrious logical man from Star Trek. Now your coffee makes more sense. Or that automated nutcracker he saw here about 4 years ago. People who are too tired to crack their own nuts! Initially considering this must be the lamest invention ever he later changed his mind and saw it as an ode to laziness. Too bad that fine piece of mechanicism was already sold by then.

“And how may I be of service to you, sir?” The vendor looked at Allan with a twinkle in his eye. Not really old enough to be my father, Allan was thinking, unless he made some girl pregnant while he was sixteen or something. Why did he always get these silly thoughts while talking to people...”Is it alright if I just take a look, pal? It seems to me that your merchandise needs some careful consideration first before being purchased if you don’t mind me saying so”. “Not in the least offended my dear fellow”, the vendor replied. Allan was all in a sudden aware of the fact that he seems to be amusing this streetwise old geezer with his oh so typical cap on his head. Interesting....”You see”, the old geezer continued, “people don’t bother to come to me because they need something. No sir, people come over here to have a chance to see what they can’t dream about themselves”. Now it was Allan’s turn to be amused. “Are you saying, pops, that you’re selling dreams here? You sure have a way of being dramatic, don’t you?” The older man appeared to be more amused by the minute. “A full-blooded cynic aren’t you? I kinda like that, I see it as a sign of intelligence. It gives me confidence that you’re smart enough to think of a reason why you would buy any of my stuff.”

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:03

I’m beginning to like this guy, Allan had to grudgingly admit. “That is indeed a nice way of saying you take me for a sucker. Actually I’m dying to see how your creative mind would try to talk me into buying anything at all.” Mr. Cap bended a little forward and his mouth was half opened while he grinned. Apparently this guy never heard of dental care, Allan couldn’t help thinking. “You just pick your item, mister, and I’ll help you to give that little push further to what you’ve already convinced yourself but are reluctant to admit.” Not your ordinary smartass but a genuine conceited one. Really, this guy is wasting his time here. Let me see what challenge I can give this disciple of PJ Barnum. Something you would never in your right mind spend a single dime on. Something that has to excel in both uselessness and total lack of good taste.

Allan let his eye rest on a bronze ornament that looked like you had to fill it with some liquid. It has an elegant but yet ridiculously long nozzle. It seems like this thing wasn’t made to ever be used at all. Not for what it was intended anyway. On top of that the kettle has inscriptions that looked like curly words in Arabic or Persian perhaps. Like a manual for morons that don’t know how to handle this. “Would you care to enlighten me about the nature of this object?” He really thought he did a nice job in not sounding too sarcastic. “Enlightenment indeed! You couldn’t have picked a more appropriate word mister. See, this happens to be an oil lamp.” I’m sure Mr. Cap must see a twinkle in my eye now. “Thanks for telling me. What do you know, an oil lamp! Sure, why would I exhaust myself by turning on the light switch all the time while I can be doing much more useful things like filling this with fuel and pouring it out again not to mention all that worrying as where the hell I have to put that thing without it bothering me.”

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:03

I’m beginning to like this guy, Allan had to grudgingly admit. “That is indeed a nice way of saying you take me for a sucker. Actually I’m dying to see how your creative mind would try to talk me into buying anything at all.” Mr. Cap bended a little forward and his mouth was half opened while he grinned. Apparently this guy never heard of dental care, Allan couldn’t help thinking. “You just pick your item, mister, and I’ll help you to give that little push further to what you’ve already convinced yourself but are reluctant to admit.” Not your ordinary smartass but a genuine conceited one. Really, this guy is wasting his time here. Let me see what challenge I can give this disciple of PJ Barnum. Something you would never in your right mind spend a single dime on. Something that has to excel in both uselessness and total lack of good taste.

Allan let his eye rest on a bronze ornament that looked like you had to fill it with some liquid. It has an elegant but yet ridiculously long nozzle. It seems like this thing wasn’t made to ever be used at all. Not for what it was intended anyway. On top of that the kettle has inscriptions that looked like curly words in Arabic or Persian perhaps. Like a manual for morons that don’t know how to handle this. “Would you care to enlighten me about the nature of this object?” He really thought he did a nice job in not sounding too sarcastic. “Enlightenment indeed! You couldn’t have picked a more appropriate word mister. See, this happens to be an oil lamp.” I’m sure Mr. Cap must see a twinkle in my eye now. “Thanks for telling me. What do you know, an oil lamp! Sure, why would I exhaust myself by turning on the light switch all the time while I can be doing much more useful things like filling this with fuel and pouring it out again not to mention all that worrying as where the hell I have to put that thing without it bothering me.”

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:06

.” Mr. Cap didn’t seem in the least impressed. “Don’t think it’s a coincidence, mister, that you picked this item for a man’s soul is the lamp of God, which searches the chambers of one’s innards. Proverbs 20:27 if I’m not mistaken.” Oh, now he’s going Biblical on me. This is getting really good. “Easy on the preaching, poppa, are you trying to sell me this under the argument that this.....thing is gonna help me find my inner peace or something? This is what I would call two cents psychology but at least two cents is worth more than what this should cost.” Funny the way this old dude can make his lower lip curl like that. “Let me ask you something now mister and I mean no offence. But why do you dislike this ornament so much that you would almost forget your good manners with that?” Mr. Cap didn’t look like he was joking. “What truly amazes me is that you already assume it costs too much while you haven’t even checked for the price”. Oops, he’s got a point there. “The way I see it, mister, is that you didn’t pick this bronze lamp because you think it’s repulsive or otherwise annoying. No, you picked this because somehow this intrigues you and it bothers you that you can’t think of an explanation for that right away. Yes, the nozzle is way too long for a practical use, I know that. But let me ask you, why can’t things that are supposed to be useful not be shaped in an esthetical way? Why does one have to exclude the other?” Mr. Cap was really on a roll now. Allan noticed to his great resentment that a little audience was building up.

“Of course it is way easier to simply turn on a light switch. The fact that it is so easy nowadays to have light in your house also trivializes it that we easily forget what a miracle that is. Can you even imagine how life must have been before they invented electricity? Can you see how this lamp you despise so much now could have actually saved someone’s life back then?

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:07

? Really, mister, you could have picked several other objects here from my stand and I would have wholeheartedly agreed with you it is junk. But not with this one. Oh no! Out of respect for our ancestors and how they managed to survive under much severe circumstances, this lamp doesn’t deserve to be treated with such an astonishing lack of respect. And now I must inquire you again, mister, why do you despise this fine piece of craft so much?” Allan was still recovering from that unexpected outburst. He was also painfully aware of the fact that several pairs of eyes were aimed at him. Like people were expecting him to come up with an answer that better be not less than mindblowing. “Well, eh, maybe it’s those funny inscriptions. I dunno...” Great, Lardin, just great.....”I see”, these two words seemed to carry an awful lot of weight. Mr. Cap was now examining the crowd and seemed ready to give his grand finale. “Do you even know in what language it is written not to mention the meaning of these words? What you qualify as “funny”, mister, might be words of wisdom. Your absence of knowledge should not justify your mockery. If you’re really as smart and educated as I’m willing to give you that credit you’d be eager to decipher this for yourself. And in case you’re interested, mister, I won’t be asking more than 12 buck for this. Can you think of a smarter way to spend 12 buck unless you’re into a five minute blowjob from a toothless baboon?” Allan knew he was trapped now. If he would just leave the crowd would only laugh harder than they were doing already. “Make that 10 buck, pops, and I’ll take it, okay?” Mr. Cap switched back from street philosopher to vendor. “It’s yours mister, seems like we got ourselves a deal.” Yeah, right....my turn now. “Since you did your outmost best to convince me of the unique value of this artefact, surely you wouldn’t want to disgrace it now by handing it to me without having it wrapped in nicely, now would you?”

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:08

?” Mr. Cap smirked and took a sheet of wrapping paper out of his drawer. “By all means, mister, your wish is my command.”

That was five days ago. At first Allan refused to admit “his” oil lamp would be a contribution to the decorum of his place. But $ 10 was just a tad too much money to throw it in the garbage bag. Eventually he managed to swallow his pride and even started to polish his lamp and decided to put it right above his fireplace. He didn’t examine yet in what language those inscriptions were written. But he would always associate this ornament with Mr. Cap’s last words....The sound of the doorbell brought Allan back to the present. Halfway expecting to be dealing with a Jehovah’s witness, Allan was slightly surprised when he examined the person standing in front of him. He estimated this guy to be in his early thirties. The suit he was wearing must have easily costed $ 1,000 and it seemed like he just paid a visit to the hairdresser’s. Allan noticed a tie pin in the shape of a horseshoe. This stranger also carried a fine leather briefcase with him. “Pleased to meet you, sir. My name is Gene Satious and I’ll guarantee you that you will find it a very good investment if I can have just a little moment of your time.” Allan shook his well-manicured hand. “Delighted Mr. Satious and pardon me for being so bold but could you tell me what this is all about?” “No problem, Mr. Lardin, no problem at all. How would you feel if I told you that you won the lottery and then multiply that feeling with 3?” Allan was tempted to think he was dealing with a nut if it weren’t for the fact that he looked just a bit too sophisticated and professional for that. He could have easily passed for a hot shot attorney or a company executive. “If this is in any way involved with insurances, Mr. Satious, I can save us both our time and tell you right away I’m not at all interested.”

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:08

The sharp dressed man grinned and exposed a series of white shiny teeth. Apparently he has a good dental plan with his company. “Please, call me Gene. That is a very common and understandable assumption you made, but I can assure you this has nothing to do with insurances Mr. Lardin. If you would just allow me in and let me explain what this is all about, I promise you that you won’t regret it. In the meantime let me give you this free ticket for a mystery dinner at your place organized by a stylish and renowned catering company. See it as a token of our sincere appreciation.”

Allan Lardin looked at the ticket that was handed to him. He looked back at the stranger. All in a sudden Allan was aware of the overwhelming odour of the aftershave the stranger had put on himself. It actually embarrassed him that he had to admit there was something sensuous about this smell and that he could understand why a woman would feel attracted to this guy. “Gucci”. Huh? Allan woke up out of his daydream. “I thought you might be wondering what aftershave I use. The name is Gucci”. Allan smirked sheepishly. “No offence meant Mr. Lardin but I’m holding this ticket for about 3 minutes now. Let me tell you this dinner is normally worth $ 500 if this can convince you to accept this free gift which comes totally without any obligations at all.” This seemed to convince Allan to accept this little token of appreciation. After all....deep down he’s a bit of an avarice. “Erm.....Mr. Satious....just how long do you think it’ll take to explain me whatever it is you want to share?” “Please, do call me Gene. Normally it takes me about an hour or two but since you appear to be an educated man, Mr. Lardin, I’m quite confident it won’t take me more than an hour of your time.” Allan became more and more aware of the fact that this Gene character was taking over the situation even though his pride struggled back against this simple fact.

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:10

His inner strife could find a compromise in the idea that it was alright to let this stranger enter his house just to prove to himself he was capable of reclaiming control over the situation.

Have a seat Mr. Satious....erm, Gene that is. I hope you don’t take much notice of the mess around here. I just received a bunch of new manuscripts that need to be reviewed and that’s a tough thing to hide. It just proofs that you’re a hard working man, Allan, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Do you still find joy in the work that you do? Oh dear, Allan muttered to himself, must we really have this corny politeness? What can I say Gene, it’s a job and it helps me to survive. I’m not always keen on those bleeding deadlines but I guess flaws are inevitable with any job I can think of. I’m sure you don’t always like your job do you? What’s your job anyway? The most rewarding job you can think of Allan, my job is to make sure your wishes come out. The only conditions are that you can make no more than three wishes but I trust that will be sufficient to drastically change your life. Another limitation is that you can’t wish for more wishes in case you’re such a smartass. I can’t help you either with bringing the dead back to life. And last but not least, I can’t make someone fall in love with you because you can’t mess with the free will. But enough about rules now and time to focus on the possibilities. One last warning though, Allan, think carefully what you wish for because I can’t make it undone unless you wish for it. Gene Satious opened his briefcase that seemed to be filled with all sorts of documents. He took out a form and laid it on the table. Take your time Allan to read it before you sign.

The whole scene became more ludicrous and grotesque to Allan Lardin. Still he picked up this piece of paper and took note of what was written on it.

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:11

The document was titled “Execution of Will” and what really seemed absurd was that it wasn’t even typed but all written in a curly handwriting! Underneath the title the following lines were written. I, Allan Lardin, born February 5th 1966, hereby state and confirm that I demand the execution of three of my wishes and that this execution will take place immediately after I signed this document. By signing I fully declare that I was in a state of full consciousness and aware of all the implications that might come forth after I made my wishes. I also declare that this agreement was made by my free will and that no action was used to force me into accepting the terms and conditions that I agreed upon. Gene.....either you are a very elaborate scam artist or you are a very deluded individual whose mind is trapped in some twisted virtual reality. I regret the fact I was so much denying all my common sense to let you in my house but now it’s really time you take a hike. Very eloquently said, Allan, as always. But before you decide to indulge in your further ranting I want you to consider this. Gene Satious was pointing his finger to the fireplace. Allan became painfully aware of the fact that there was a monstrous and evil alliance between that damn oil lamp and this clown in a $ 1,000 suit. I take it Allan that you still didn’t have time to translate those inscriptions. But holding that against you would be petty and smallminded indeed. Let me enlighten you by saying that those words are written in Farsi, a Persian language. ش...ا پيش ان اوردن خواستن حرف گفت. جن حرف ...يان بيشر.... عدد.. In plain English it means “One audacious among the jinn said: I will bring it to you before you rise up from your place, and most surely I am strong and trusty for it”. Thanks for sharing that with me but it still doesn’t make any sense. Allan’s nerves were really probed now. Relax my friend and see this as an interesting plot unfolding.

BadAss
BadAss
Charioteer

Jul-13-2007 20:12

. The line I just translated can be found in the Quran. More specifically it’s verse 39 of the Sura named An-Naml or The Ants. It’s a reply to a request by King Solomon who demanded to bring him a throne that would be suitable for the Queen of Sheba. By the ring that carried his seal King Solomon was given power over all the jinns.

How would YOU know all about this? And now that I come to think about it......what’s your connection with this oil lamp anyway? Are you in cahoots with the guy who sold me that piece of junk? Gene Satious was still sitting in his chair and everything indicated that he had no intention to leave. For the first time he was smirking which made Allan furious and intimidated at the same time. I’m afraid it’s going to take more than an hour to explain it to you when you let your temper take over the more rational part of you. It never ceases to amaze me how people react when you offer them to make their wishes come true. You still don’t get it do you Allan? By polishing that oil lamp you unleashed forces that have been slumbering for ages. Go ahead and take a close look at your so despised little trinket and tell me what you see. Cursing the fact that his sharp edged wit failed him so badly that day at the market, Allan stepped forward and examined that object of which he rapidly got convinced it was truly cursed. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw something had changed about the inscriptions. It seemed like they were glowing as if there was a candle inside that lamp. The curly symbols were going from red to orange to yellow and back to red. After a brief hesitation he put his hands around the lamp but it felt cold as always. A beginning of despair was visible in Allan’s eyes when he turned back to Gene. Gene. Genie. It’s rather uncomforting when you experience that your Cartesian mind can’t account for everything isn’t it Lardin? The tormented editor tried to sound as calm as he possibly could. Please, leave my house.

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