We, the undersigned formally request that:
In recognition of a socially ostracizing obesity epidemic in North America, and the attendant lawsuits sure to be visited by civil rights activists upon Sleuth, Hypothetical Software, and its umbrella company, Pfizer Pharmaceuticals, and
For pure unadulterated mirth,
The character heretofore referred to as "Big Lucy" be swept off to 27 days of self-esteem camp run by failed psychiatrists who wear too much makeup somewhere in an idyllic setting preferably in a mountain town with goats and a stream nearby, and earn the bulk of their living appearing on syndicated talk shows about bulimic bullies hosted by first-name-only "Doctors"; and
Then reintegrated into the community as
"Big Boned Lucy".
(We understand that this may cause problems for daily operations at the cabaret, and nominate Fat-Ass Larry as her temporary stand-in).