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Corrupt A Wish
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Bill Oakes
Bill Oakes

Sep-15-2006 02:30

This is a very simple and fun game. The first person makes a wish, and each following person finds some way to corrupt the wish and then makes a new wish. For example:

Person 1. I wish I had a dog

Person 2. You have a dog, but it dies the day after you get it

I wish I had a muffin

Person 3: You get a muffin, but you drop it and have to throw it away.

And so on.

Your firt wish to corrupt is this:

I wish I had a new car.

Replies

luc pfeiffer
luc pfeiffer
Red-Nosed

Dec-18-2009 00:59

Ah the memories!

Sir William Weine
Sir William Weine
Lucky Stiff

Dec-21-2009 11:07

You get something new and trashy. It is a new book by Sir William Weine which someone threw in the trash. As you read it in front of a nice traditional log fire, you fall asleep, slip, and fall head first into the fire. By the time you manage to put it out, you are bald (I'd wear a hat over that if I were you) and ALL your books are ruined. You then receive a letter saying that they want YOU to star in a documentary about hair (starring YOUR luscious locks) and another one wanting you for a shampoo commercial. Both pay five times your yearly salary.

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas (I also wish luc would corrupt this once again)

luc pfeiffer
luc pfeiffer
Red-Nosed

Dec-26-2009 12:51

So you want a Merry Christmas 'happy' day, corrupt-a-wish style? Ok, we can do that!

You wake up early on Christmas Eve; you want to get to the stores before everything turns into a zoo. You flip the switch on the coffeemaker; nothing happens. Hmm, maybe the Fairy Godmother turned your power off. You try the electric can opener in the same plug. Nope, works like a charm. Great, no coffee and something added to the to-buy list. You decide to try a bowl of cereal. You open the box and pour dust into your bowl. Nuts, the kids got there first. Oh well, probably just as well because they put the empty milk carton back in the fridge without telling anyone it was out. So you pop two granola bars and call it nutrition.

You head to the shower, only to have a REALLY cold one. AUGH!!!! Your mind (asleep from no coffee) tells you to put your pants on backwards and your shoes on the wrong feet. But before you get there, you realize there's a hole in your underwear and your socks don't match. (Oh boy, hope you don't get hit by a bus and have to ride in an ambulance...) You right your fashion mistakes and stumble out the door. You lock the door and remember, your wallet was on the table just inside the door. (Mini ugh there) Now with wallet, you back the car out the driveway and wave to the neighbor who's raking his leaves (onto your lawn but let's not be picky here). His eyes bulge out and you look down and realize that your pink, yellow, neon green, purple, orange and black golfing sweater has a nice intimidation factor on the links but probably isn't communicating Christmas cheer like you thought.

You arrive at the mall and actually find a parking place! But a Mini(Cooper) zips in and steals your spot. You find another (a little farther out from the mall) but a wwwiiidddeee Caddy (Cadillac) is a little too large for a compact stall, and he's halfway into your spot. You keep looking. Two spots later, you finally manage to outrace a Mazerati and win the spot! Victory!!!

luc pfeiffer
luc pfeiffer
Red-Nosed

Dec-26-2009 12:52

You walk into the stores and find out, it's a zoo... Oh well. You find a sweater with a big bird on it for your 7 year old son. Perfect! (Not.) You get to the display of Holiday Barbie but she's out of stock. Hmm, maybe a Mitzy would work (or whatever the sidekick's name is). (Err, too bad you didn't know she asked for Legos.) You go stand in the seemingly endless line, only to have three people along the way cut in front of you, making it more endless. You get to the "Little Something Special" lingerie shop for something for your wife. Unfortunately, they've sold out storewide of EVERYTHING in her size. Oh boy, do you go with a size smaller or a size bigger? (The questions you could throw at that hermit sitting on the mountain.) Finally, you give up and decide that you'll simply regift that golfing sweater that blinded the neighbor. Maybe it'll look better on a woman...

Next stop, the grocery store. You do find a parking spot there, but that's about the only thing that goes right. They're out of lettuce, you get spinach. There are no more hams, you grab a turkey. No cranberry sauce, hmm, maybe there'll be a can back in the pantry at home. Gotta have French bread for a nice dinner; hmm, all they have is rye -- well it'll be a new taste experience for the kids. For wine, let's see, what goes with turkey... Maybe a two-buck-Chuck bordeaux. Now for dessert... Ooohh, a tiramisu cake! Lovely!

You get home and spend the next four hours acting as the ideal house hubby. You wrap gifts, cook, vacuum, dust, all while keeping an eye on the kids. Sort of. (Hans, get OUT of that tree. Greta, don't you DARE open that gift if you want Santa Claus to come!)

Six o'clock and the wife arrives home from her acting job as an elf for the mall Santa Claus. Perfect. Dinner's on the table, the kids are in their Holiday best and you're ready for that bottle of wine and the modeling session of that golfing sweater. The family sits down to eat. Both kids turn up their nose at the salad (SPINACH! Yuck! Rye bread! Double Yuck!) You carve the turkey and it slices bea

luc pfeiffer
luc pfeiffer
Red-Nosed

Dec-26-2009 12:53

You carve the turkey and it slices beautifully--something's gone right! You pass the plates around, get yours at last, toast everyone, and take a bite of the turkey. Wait a minute! It tastes suspiciously like fish. Couldn't be. You try another bite. Yep, there is something distinctly fishy about your turkey (in both senses of the word). Guess it won't matter that you didn't have cranberry sauce after all. You tell the kids to appreciate what they have and eat their dinner. Somehow you manage to get it down. Ahh, dessert! You bite into a forkful of the cake and find out, the chef probably had a little too much at the Christmas party and was definitely a little tipsy with the powdered coffee. It's on the top of the cake instead of cocoa AND it's on top of each layer of lady fingers. Great, dessert makes you pucker and not in the way it's supposed to. You call an end to dinner and tell the kids that since they're going to grandma's tomorrow, they can open up the presents from mom and dad and from the out-of-town relatives tonight. Yay! Santa's will have to wait until you get home. Augh!

You hear about the kids' wish list after they opened their presents... ('A sweater with a big bird on it! I'll get beat up!' 'Barbie??? I wanted Legos!') The wife gives you the eye at her gift and it's not the come-hither invitation you had hoped for. The gifts from the relatives back east would've saved your butt (and your reputation as a cool dad) except for one problem. They open the packing box and find a slip of paper: "Rerouted to Poland. To be delivered in August."

You tell the kids and the wife that they should remember the real meaning of Christmas and that you are ALL bundling up and going to church for the Christmas Eve service. You do so and arrive at your church to find that it's burned to the ground and all that's left is a sign. It tells you 'Merry Christmas' and that the church has relocated its services to a pizza parlor across town. Great. Absolutely fabulous. There is no way you are slogging your way there after everything else that's

luc pfeiffer
luc pfeiffer
Red-Nosed

Dec-26-2009 12:54

happened. You turn around and go home.

The kids disappear to play with last year's toys; the wife gives you the cold shoulder, literally. You sit alone in solitary splendor in front of your Charlie-Brown Christmas tree, drinking a truly unusual Bordeaux. Oh well, there's always next year.

P.S. to Sir William: All of the above (with the exception of the big bird sweater) have happened to me during the holidays, admittedly not all on the same day. So enjoy your Christmas and try to make the best of it!

luc pfeiffer
luc pfeiffer
Red-Nosed

Dec-26-2009 12:55

I wish I could walk in my pointed toe elf shoes!

Sir William Weine
Sir William Weine
Lucky Stiff

Dec-29-2009 11:59

Ka-Poof! The Fairy Godmother grants your wish. You wake up wearing your pointed toe elf shoes. After a fun-filled day of playing with elf shoes, you decide to take them off. But wait... they won't come off. Trying again, you tug so hard that you knock the shoe cabinet over. Sadly, the last solution is to saw your legs off... Oops! Too late. That is one mess. You better ask the Fairy Godmother for a new carpet too...

I wish I had more Polo mints.

Clint Forthwright
Clint Forthwright
Old Shoe

Dec-29-2009 14:10

There came from the brazen lungs of the clock a sound which was clear and loud and deep and exceedingly musical, but of so peculiar a note and emphasis that, at each lapse of an hour, the musicians of the orchestra were constrained to pause, momentarily, in their performance, to hearken to the sound of a gravel truck backing up to the side of your house. Bam Margera and Johny Knoxville have taken the liberty of installing a skylight in your living room with nothing but sledge hammers. Even as I speak, approximately 20 tons of the delectable candies of your request are now filling all of the emptiness of your household!

I wish real life was a lot more fun and easy.

Sir William Weine
Sir William Weine
Lucky Stiff

Jan-2-2010 05:02

Poof! Luc's fairy Godmother has decided to make life easier! Gas prices fall drastically as you strike oil in your back garden! You go to the nearby supermarket, where you get every thing half price and a free trampoline with every loaf of bread! The next day however, you try out the trampoline. It is so good you hit the ceiling with a thud. But it was so "easy" that it gives way. Remember that sofa you put in the attic last week? It comes crashing down on you and into the cellar. Maybe you shouldn't have put the tent poles vertically in the cellar. At least it's "easy" to dial 999. Now wasn't that fun?

I wish I had a laptop.

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