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The Annual Sleuth Beauty Pageant 2009
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Molly Maltese
Molly Maltese
Old Shoe

Nov-11-2009 19:36

"(to be sung softly and slowly, with solemnity)
From street to penthouse suite, master of mystery
She dusts everything she sees
She aces every case
She’s boss at the Arch Villain chase
She’s got a nice enough face.
She is…Miss Sleuthvilleeeeee
Hold your fedora up high
Hold your fedora up high
Raise it to the sky
Hold your fedora up high
Woaaa yeye oooh ye sky high, hold your fedora up high..."

(adapted from William Shatner's "Miss United States" from the hit movie, Miss Congeniality.)

(NOTE: These lyrics in no way imply that no males can enter the beauty pageant, but putting "he/she/it" everywhere necessary in the song would reeeeally diminish the effect of the poetic masterpiece before you.
Males are welcome and are encouraged!)

Welcome to the revival of the Annual Sleuth Beauty Pageant that I have hastily undertaken.

It's time to whip out your curling irons, your fake eyelashes, your obscene amounts of gel, your lipstick and most importantly your cameras, or perhaps just your knowledge of movie stars or notable public figures of Hollywood's Golden Age and school us folks at Sleuth in just what a beautiful avatar is! Or, you could skip the theme and just snap a pic of yourself. That too, we certainly understand. PLEASE NOTE: ONCE THE CONTEST BEGINS AND YOU ARE NOMINATED, YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO CHANGE YOUR AVATAR FOR THE DURATION OF THE CONTEST. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN YOUR REMOVAL FROM THE RUNNING.

Here's how this is going to work. Consider this a warning post: if you think there's a chance you might be nominated, we suggest you change your avatar to its most flattering aspect possible. Currently nominations will be accepted once the judges are found and Ben is supplicated in earnest for his blessing.

As of right now, nominations are not being accepted! If you post one I shall smite thee. I will post as soon as I have full clearance to start and you can nominate to your hearts content. Good luck!

Message me if you are confused on anything above

Replies

Heimlich VonVictor
Heimlich VonVictor
Vigilante

Nov-23-2009 14:04

The following is best read in a deep Southern Drawl:

Miss Maltese,

As a retired lawyer who has recently come out of retirement, I'm here today to bring about an affirmative action suit against your contest for sexism. This suit alleges that you willfully engaged in practices of misandry against the participants in your contest both in your selection of judges with a partiality to the female figure and you own interjection meant to block many fine young men from being selected. The rejected male participants will be seeking unspecified damages to be determined in a trial by jury.

Either that or I need to stop watching so much Law & Order while I'm sick XD

All joking aside, good luck to all the remaining participants. I'm glad I can finally change my avatar back to an actual lawyer rather than me playing gangster.

Ms Helen
Ms Helen
Con Artist

Nov-23-2009 14:13

Oh wow, I'm in the final. That's come as a huge shock considering how many new gorgeous faces there are about, mine must be looking tired and haggard by now hehe. Thank you for the nomination Elizabeth and thank you judges for not thinking I'm past it.

TD you must be loving being surrounded by lots of women ;)

Molly, as others have said, whenever there has been a contest on Sleuth there has always been at least one person have a grumble and moan for whatever reason. You're not going to please everyone no matter how hard you try, that's just the way life is.

I personally would like to say a very big thank you to you for taking the time to organise this annual beauty pageant. It's these things that keep the community spirit alive so thank you Molly.

Breitkat
Breitkat
Pinball Amateur

Nov-23-2009 14:17

ROFL!!!!

Can't ya just see Gregory Peck (To Kill a Mockingbird style) rollin' off that little speech in yer heads?? ;-)

By the way, good luck with yer action, Esquire. I do hope yer prepared to get pelted by hoop skirts and mascara if yer successful.

*HUGE grin at that one!!*

;-D ;-D ;-D

Molly Maltese
Molly Maltese
Old Shoe

Nov-23-2009 18:30

I am SHAAAAAAAAAWKED and APPPAAAWLLED at your senseless accusations, Heim-lick vawn Vic-tah! To slandah my good name in the communi-tay! I could just DIE!

*marches away in full-blown tizzy, petticoats a-flyin*

Anais Nin
Anais Nin
Thespian

Nov-24-2009 09:26

(Keeping up with the Southern Drawl)

Mollae? Honey chile? Just ig-nore that Mister Vawn Vic-tah! He ain't knowin a word he sayin. I thank he has a screw loose or somethag of the sort, cause, well, I ain't knowin quite why. He's just a Yank, so pay im no heed, dahlin. *haughty sniff*

Now git yerself over here an help meh cook up some suthern comfort food for the end of the pageant, yeh hear now? Collared greens, po' boys, grits, sweet tea, hush puppies, and some craw-daddies!

Molly Maltese
Molly Maltese
Old Shoe

Nov-24-2009 13:20

Whae, Miz Ah-naaaaaaaais Niii-uhn, that sounds perfectlay lovelay! That Mistah Vawn Vict-tah has another think come-in, that's for da-urhn sure.

Us Sutherners sure do know how to make that them there comfort food, ya hear? That was directed at you Yanks, with yer celer-ay and wat-ah and he-yulth conscious nonsense. Well we're gonna have ourselves a daggone feast! I'll bring a trifle!

Breitkat
Breitkat
Pinball Amateur

Nov-24-2009 14:35

As a globe-trotting Yank (the American kind more than the Northern one ;-) with a growling stomach and a clean napkin tucked in her shirtwaist, might I be able to join you ladies at your delectable feast?? I'll even have the Tiger scare up a peach cobbler or a coconut cake from the local baker if possible. ;-)

P.S. -- (Not only do I personally loathe celery [never liked the taste of the stuff], but I can't eat it anyway [docs say it's on the no-no list for my head]. Hope that influences the decision-making, just a bit. ;-)

The Contessa
The Contessa
Old Shoe

Nov-24-2009 15:30

Hi Breit!

Your post made me really curious - the doctors said celery was not a good thing for you to eat?

* gulp, I just boiled a lot of celery and scallions to go in my Thanksgiving dressing LOL!! *

I am always interested in things that are "good for you" or "bad for you" - just wondering what evil may lurk in my celery? :D :D

Breitkat
Breitkat
Pinball Amateur

Nov-24-2009 15:43

Celery's high in Sodium, something I should try and avoid when possible. I'm also off of things that are high in Vitamin K (potassium, I believe).

Sodium's not good for people with heart or vascular troubles (raises hand at second one), and Vitamin K's one of the essential nutrients the body needs for blood clotting (normally, a good thing in most people, as that's what helps us heal, and not bleed to death). Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people, so I hafta watch how much Vitamin K I get.

Basically, any vegetable that's green has a significant level of Vitamin K in it (good for me, since I'm not a fan of most of the green ones anyway ;-). And celery's one of the only veggies that's bad for celery, but there's other foods that are high on the hit list for sodium (like good ol' NaCl, aka, common table salt). Sooo, you won't find me nibblin' on celery with peanut butter anytime in this lifetime. ;-D

Breitkat
Breitkat
Pinball Amateur

Nov-24-2009 15:45

Sorry, meant to say celery's one of the only veggies that's bad for sodium. My Oops. ;-)

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