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CONTEST: Once Upon a Noir...
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Anikka
Anikka
Babelfish

Nov-18-2007 10:24

Well, it's bedtime and I can't sleep. I wanna hear a story!!!

But not just any story, no... that would be too easy. I wanna hear a noir fairy tale.


THE PREMISE: Take a fairy tale and make it Noir.

THE RULES: * Must be based on an existing fairy tale - doesn't have to be a popular one, but at least point me to the original, if it's an obscure one.
* All entries must be posted no later than 11:59 PM, November 30, 2007.
* Spelling and grammar count.
* Please be realistic with story length. If it takes three posts to tell, it's too long!!

THE PRIZES: I'm workin' on it...but there will be prize(s).

I know the last couple of contests were on the restrictive and difficult side, and rewriting a fairy tale as Noir may not be the simplest thing, but there are very few restrictions and rules this time - so let's see what you've got!

Replies

Secret_Squirrel
Secret_Squirrel
Safety Officer

Nov-29-2007 15:56

lol there's some great entries here already. Don't forget the deadline approacheth (says he who is not going to make it :) )

ctown28
ctown28
Huntsman

Nov-29-2007 16:42

Once upon a time there were 3 bears. A Papa bear, a
Mama bear and a Baby bear. One day they were out
taking a walk to let their porridge cool down. Upon,
returning to their home, they found that someone had
been eating their porridge and sitting in their
chairs. They went upstairs to look for their intruder
and found that their beds have also been slept it.
The Baby bear however still had someone in his bed.
He decided to take a closer look and discovered a
young woman, only she wasn't sleeping, she was dead.

Being a retired police detective, Papa went right to
work on examining the crime scene. He found several
clues at the scene of the crime. First off was a
small footprint that looked like it came from someone
petite, a very curly blonde hair and a crimson thread.

While searching the body for personal effects, he
found her ID card and that her name was Goldilocks.
He also found a piece of paper with a list titled
"People I don't like" and there were 3 names on the
list: B.B. Wolf, Alice N. Wonderland, and Maria
Gracia.

Papa had his work cut out for him and went off in
search of each of the people on the list to question
them. After interviewing each suspect he found out
that Alice was confirmed to be at a tea party, B.B.
did not check out as the 3 pigs he claimed to be with
said they had not seen him, and Maria had no alibi to
speak of.

By the time the interviews were over he got the
forensics back from the evidence that he had found.
The footprint came from Miss Wonderland, she had a
valid alibi so couldn't possibly be guilty, the hair
was the victims own hair, that meant the killer must
have left the thread, but did it belong to Miss Gracia
or Mr. Wolf?


ctown28
ctown28
Huntsman

Nov-29-2007 16:43

Being a good detective, Papa went to Miss Gracia's
house and after accusing her she broke down and
confessed to the crime. Turns out, she felt Goldilocks
got all of the fairy tale accolades that she rightfully deserved.

So what was it that Papa noticed about that thread
that led him to Maria Gracia? Being a good detective,
he noticed the color of the thread. Many people do
not know this, but Maria Gracia also goes by another
name - Little Red Riding Hood.


Kevin Greene
Kevin Greene
Old Shoe

Nov-30-2007 17:06

LOL Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks and the Three Bears (With a few twists!), The Princess and the Pea, Cinderella... have enough stories for one night, Annika? Time to go to sleepy-sleep, and wake up tomorrow to judge the contest! :-)

Great entries everyone! Especially me. :-)

Nah, nah, nah, just kidding. :-) I would never admit that. :-) :-) :-) :-)



Lady Zeugirdor
Lady Zeugirdor
Pinball Amateur

Nov-30-2007 20:10

Not so long ago, in the bustling city of New York, lived a man and wife and his two children. The boy’s name was Crunch and the girl’s name was Jas. Now, there was a great depression ongoing in the land. It had affected the father so that he could no longer provide for his family. One night the father was lying in bed thinking of what to do about his family.

His wife, noting his uneasiness spoke up and said, “Larry, we are almost out of food, you haven’t found any work, and you better do something about it. Your two brats aren’t helping anything. They eat like hogs and are lazy. You need to get rid of them. At least there would be two less mouths to feed.”

The father was disgusted by what his wife, Pansy, had said, but agreed it would be easier if the kids were gone. Pansy spoke, “Good, at least you have that much sense about you. Tomorrow morning we’ll take them to the park and tell them to hunt some squirrels for dinner. We’ll tell them we will be back for them in the evening, but we won’t return. They are too young to know how to get back to the flat, and the park is on the other side of the city.” “I guess” replied Larry, although he really didn’t want to leave his kids.

In the living room of their flat Crunch and Jas were huddled together, supposedly sleeping. In the small place they heard everything that their father and stepmother had said about tomorrow. Jas started to cry silently. Crunch, patting her hand said, “Don’t worry Jas, I know how we can make it back home. Go to sleep, it’ll be ok.” With that he quietly got up and went to his dad’s wallet. He opened it and withdrew a card and smiled to himself.

Early the next morning Pansy yelled at the kids, “Wake up you brats, we have to go now, stop being lazy.” Crunch and Jas got up and dressed in a flash. Crunch tucked the card he removed from his dad’s wallet into his pants pocket. Pansy gave the kids a slice of bread and said, “Save it, that’s all you get."

Lady Zeugirdor
Lady Zeugirdor
Pinball Amateur

Nov-30-2007 20:11

As they started down the sidewalk Crunch kept stopping and looking at the tenement building. Larry shouted, “Crunch, what’s wrong with you? Keep moving.” Crunch turned quickly and caught up with them. He had been memorizing the street name and building number. It was a long walk with many turns to get to the park. Larry gave the kids some rope and a pocket knife. He wished them luck, hugged them, and left with Pansy.

As soon as Larry and Pansy had left, Jas cried out “Crunch, what are we going to do. I’m tired already and how can we remember all the turns we took to get back home?” Crunch smiled at her and said, “Don’t worry, let’s just sit here and rest for a bit. Then we have to find a pay phone.” Jas looked at Crunch in confusion, but was too tired to ask anything more. After a short rest Crunch started a game of tag with Jas.

As they were playing Jas tripped and fell. Crunch ran over to help her up. “Ok, game over. We should start working on getting home. The sun will be setting soon.” As he pulled Jas up he spotted something shiny on the ground. It was a quarter. He let out a joyful whoop. Jas spoke in amazement; “Now we can go home,” Crunch shook his head no. Looking puzzled she asked why not. He said, “Not yet. First we are going to get ourselves something to eat. Then the phone call so we can get home.”

Crunch and Jas walked out of the park. A short distance away was Sami’s Greek Restaurant. They ran to it and sat at the counter. The waitress, Maria, asked what they wanted. Crunch said, “Two blue plates and two milks,”

Maria looked skeptical at them and replied, “Sure, honey, but how is a young thing like you gonna pay for this?” Crunch held out his quarter and Maria nodded. “Ok, darlings, two blue plates and milks coming up, but you must pay first.” Crunch reluctantly handed her the quarter and she brought the food.


Lady Zeugirdor
Lady Zeugirdor
Pinball Amateur

Nov-30-2007 20:12

After they finished eating, Sami himself walked over and asked Crunch to pay for their meals. Crunch told him that Maria had already been paid and hadn’t given them their change yet. Sami called Maria over and asked her about it. “Why, no, Sami” exclaimed Maria, “they didn’t pay for their meals or give me any money.” “Well, then it looks like we have two new dish washers, Maria” Sami said hotly, “Take them in the back and get them started.”

Just as Crunch was about to say something Maria grabbed him and Jas. She hauled them to the kitchen. Crunch twisted out of her grip and demanded why she lied to Sami. Maria hissed, “Because I can…now get working on those dishes!” Jas spoke up, “but we don’t know how to wash dishes.” “It’s not hard, watch” said Maria as she reached for a dirty plate. She leaned over the sink full of almost boiling water. Crunch and Jas snatched her apron and pushed her head down in the water. Once she stopped flailing they ran out the back door.

They ran straight into a big man in a dark suit. “Hey, what’s the hurry” said the man.
“Sorry, we’re in some trouble and got to get out of here” said Crunch testily. Then he stopped and stared at the man. “Hey, you’re Benny, right” asked Crunch. “Depends, kid, who wants to know?” “You came to our apartment”, stated Crunch. “You talked with Dad all hush hush. Before you left you told Dad if he needed anything to let you know, even if it was for friends or family. Then you gave Dad this card and left.” With that he pulled out the card that had the symbol of the La Cosa Nostra on it and showed it to Benny.

Crunch told Benny about the situation and how it had been his stepmother’s idea. “Oh, yeah” replied Benny, “she sounds like a piece of work. Sure, we can help youse kids out. Your Ol’ Man took care of one of my friends”. “Ok” said Benny, let’s go.” Benny, Crunch, and Jas walked over to a black motor car and got in.


Lady Zeugirdor
Lady Zeugirdor
Pinball Amateur

Nov-30-2007 20:13

“Youse two ready to go home?” “We sure are, thanks for your help we surely would have gotten lost on our own.” replied Jas sweetly. “Yeah, it’s a big city, you would’ve.”

He spoke discreetly with the driver of the car, a man named Shady. In no time they pulled up in front of the building. Crunch looked out and saw that it was the right street and building number. “Now, youse kids stay here a minute. My friends and I want a word, with your stepmother before youse go inside” said Benny; as two guys got out of the car. “Stay here with Shady, and don’t bother him, he don’t like kids much, ok?”

Benny and the two men went inside the building. Soon, Crunch and Jas heard popping sounds. Then they saw Benny and his friends coming back out, with Dad bringing up the rear. Crunch and Jas jumped out of the car and ran to him. He knelt down and hugged them. Jas handed the waded up apron to her Dad.

“What’s this” he asked. Jas replied, “It's Maria’s apron. Look inside.” Larry looked in the pocket and saw a wad of cash and a quarter. Benny said, “Good work kids. Maria was an operative of the Order of Socrates. You deserve that for what you did to her.” Crunch grabbed the quarter and said, “Hey, Benny, thanks for your help” and flipped the quarter through the air towards Benny. Benny caught it in his left hand and smiled. “Thanks, kid, we’ll be seeing you around I’m sure.” Benny and his friends climbed into the motor car and drove off into the night.


MooseLady
MooseLady
Well-Connected

Nov-30-2007 21:02

Her name was Cindy. She worked at the Palace Bar & Grille but there was nothing royal about that dive. Cindy was a lousy waitress- she couldn’t get your order right if her life depended on it and you were lucky if you didn’t end up wearing your drink. Her stepmother Aggie ran the place and probably woulda canned her long ago if Cindy didn’t have such great gams.

One night, as the barflies sat sipping watery draft, a flamboyant guy in a stained plum colored crushed velvet suit entered. He approached the bar and asked Aggie for a Scotch and slumped onto a stool next to one of the regulars. As Aggie poured his wine, the Prince vaguely glanced around, meeting the stares of the regulars.

“Whath wiff you buddy?” slurred Stu, one of the regulars.



MooseLady
MooseLady
Well-Connected

Nov-30-2007 21:03

Aggie pushed a smudged glass filled 2/3 full with cheap Scotch in front of the Prince. He winced slightly as he picked up the glass and swigged down the whole thing. After putting the glass on the bar he reached into his pocket and pulled out a glass slipper. Feeling some courage, he climbed on a nearby chair and proclaimed: “I want to find my princess. Her foot will fit into this glass slipper.”

As he bent down to reach for the slipper on the bar, he lost his balance striking his head a table. As the blood puddled around his head, Aggie reached down and grabbed the slipper. Cindy walked over, felt for a pulse, sighed and reached into her pocket for a small scrap of paper.

Moments after she got off the phone Shady and one of his cohorts entered. Aggie handed him some crumpled bills and Shady and his cohort left with the Prince’s lifeless body.


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