Sleuth Home - Message Boards - Message Board Game Room

Sep-18-2007 18:11

The premise: Using a given opening line and closing line, you must write a Noir mystery story to fill the space between opening and closing (fill the tummy, so to speak).

The rules:

* Entry must be ten sentences (not including opening and closing lines). There is no word limit, but run-on sentences are considered structurally incorrect and one word sentences are considered a cop-out. :-)

* Not counting their use in the opening and closing lines provided, words may only be used once. There are a few exceptions to this rule.

* Exceptions to the previous rule can be used no more than three times within the course of your ten sentences. The exceptions are the following words: "A", "I", "the", "that", "they"

* Spelling and grammar DO count.

* Opening and closing lines are interchangeable. You can use line #1 as your first or your last line, and the same for line #2. However, you may not use the same line for both beginning and end.

* All entries must be posted no later than 11:59 PM server time on September 28, 2007.


Yes, I have, indeed, worked out a story of my own to make sure it can be done while following the above rules. I'll post it after contest closing, if anyone wants to see it.

Finally, remember - the Thesaurus is your friend.


OPENING AND CLOSING LINES:

1. Benny the Snitch was a hard man to find when he didn't want to be found.

2. Gertie gave the man with the badge an icy smile and said, "You got nothing on me, copper."

Sep-29-2007 21:36

Ok well... this is somthing i think you'd give to a Uni Lit class if you wanted to punish them :D

Here is my offering, late, sure - RL being busy - so I know I'm out, but I still thought I'd submit. I even kept cucumber and stampede down to one...

A. Gertie gave the man with the badge an icy smile and said, "You got nothing on me, copper."

1. A somewhat disgruntled, surly looking policeman spat, leaning heavily on a large container marked 'Pickled Cucumbers', "Aye, now, I'm not here t’arrest you girly, tell me where he is and I'll be about my business... more or less.

2. Officer McCready looked the young woman up'n'down; an ill-concealed hunger shrouding squinting, pig-like, eyes.

3. She laughed, sounding brave... just.

4. Gertie's heart felt as though it might stampede at any moment - fleeing toward freedom - leaving a fragile, tremulous body fending for itself.

5. ‘Strap-hand Jack’ �" and monikers like that weren’t dealt out every day - shrugged, lurching forward, surely moving faster than someone that size should.

6. "Eh, then lass, this could go bady…”

7. "WAIT!", the girl cried, and her would-be assailant snorted derisively, continuing, lumbering, sans belt �" said item wrapped around sausage fingers.

8. But no mercy plea left trembling lips, that cry had been directed towards Benny, rising from the barrel, gasping… firing… gun clutched within shaking hands; everything completed in one coughing, retching - almost apologetic - action.

9. "Couldn't breathe... bastard... leanin' ... lid...", Benny’s drowned-rat countenance whispered, teetering, finally toppling; landing right next to New York's finest.

10. "Ah Ben, yer should’ve given yerself up days ago”, Gertie sighed, knowing those words were flawed, nearly pointless, after all...

Z. Benny the Snitch was a hard man to find when he didn't want to be found.

Sep-29-2007 21:39

the random ? marks must be from the copy and paste, sorry.

Sep-30-2007 22:29

Okay, first of all, everyone who entered deserves a HUGE pat on the back. This was not an easy contest - it ended up being a little harder than I wanted it to be. I promise, I'm not a sadist. No, really I'm not.

Also, THANKS to the judges: Arabella Parker, Lady Jas, and Lilangel. You ladies are wonderful!

So, we had three entries within the time frame - detectivehappy, ctown28, and David Adams. Sadly, Secret Squirrel doesn't know how to tell time. It's a shame, and now he needs to win a contest that has a watch as a prize. Hmm.

Congratulations to David Adams, our winner!! Don Pardo, tell him what he's won! What? What do you mean we couldn't get Don Pardo? Oh, bah.

Well, David has won $100,000 in Sleuth cash. Way to go, David!

And, just for those of you who may have been wondering, yes, I DID write an example to make sure it could be done. Here it is.



Benny the Snitch was a hard man to find when he didn't want to be found.

Why would he hide? They say his girl, Gertie, is looking for him. Benny couldn't hope to stay invisible forever. She found her man, and stabbed that creep.

A knife was carved from ice and sharpened. It slashed the snitch's throat, blood flowing swiftly. Hot water splashed into a sink, melting icy death.

Men came; they were the Law! Badges flashed and a search ensued. In the end, they uncovered nothing.

Gertie gave the man with the badge an icy smile and said, "You got nothing on me, copper."

Sep-30-2007 22:31

Oh, and to those of you who worked on a story but couldn't complete it on time, I'd still love to see what you came up with!

Sep-30-2007 23:01

Congratultions David! And congratulations to all the contestants. It was fun reading all your wonderful stories!

Sep-30-2007 23:02

(Yes I'll enter any comp. that has a Sleuth watch as first prize! )

Now... Congrats David :) good job man! I especially liked the "ask people that don’t exist" line, that was nifty.

Oct-1-2007 09:46

Congratulations David! This contest was really hard :-D

Oct-1-2007 11:10

I realize it's too late for the contest, but I might as well post this anyway.


Benny the Snitch was a hard man to find when he didn't want to be found.
We searched everywhere, and all I had for our trouble was a headache.

Officer Browning did his best to keep out of trouble.
Ludvig’s Music Emporium appeared next on Bob’s list.

Crack!
An alleyway door burst open.
Racing down the narrow throughway, my instincts came alive.
Tripping over a garbage can, I stumbled, but quickly righted myself.
Rising up, I spotted a familiar face.

The flatfoot bellowed, “Halt!”
Girtie slowed as the law came up beside me.
Gertie gave the man with the badge an icy smile and said, "You got nothing on me, copper."

Oct-1-2007 16:28

I agree David, fantabulous job, I didn't think I'd win to begin with using such short sentences, but as soon as I saw yours, I knew you would be the winner!

Congrats!!!

Oct-1-2007 16:58

Congrats David! I can say as a judge... all entries were fun to read. It truly is amazing to see other sleuthers with such talents.