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Jan-24-2007 23:11

Jan-26-2007 15:08



this is kinda sick but I could see a kid doing something like this:-(

Enjoy.........I'm still laughing!!!!


A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy continues. "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet. Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets The urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished she looks down and can't believe What she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.

The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives, she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees. And he takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks. He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually SEEN a fart !"

Jan-26-2007 15:24

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like . . . night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like . . . night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Jan-26-2007 15:24

oops a case of double copy & paste........

Jan-26-2007 15:26

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

18. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

19. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

20. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

21. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

22. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

23. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

24. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

25. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

26. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . . . it's more like a jar of
jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Jan-26-2007 21:08

24. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

words to live by, right there :)

Jan-27-2007 01:11

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Pssshh, that's been my personal mantra since...I dunno. I'll look for the exact date later.

Thanks so much Biggles, now I have the knick-knack paddy-whack song in my head. That'll be fun to go to sleep to.

Jan-27-2007 07:32

well, off topic, but i am sorry for you serges.
anywho! i don't know many bad jokes, stupid ones really, but here goes! :oD

alright:I'm cold all the time and I'm black and blue all over. What am I?

A blueberry penguin. (it only eats blueberries)

I know. Dumb, right? well at least you can't say that I didn't try!!

Jan-27-2007 09:10

sami... stupid jokes are funny too... i think that's the whole point of this thread... to cheer people up... i'm just more of a person with a funny story here and there... i don't know many jokes... but i'm sure i can go look up a joke or two...

Jan-28-2007 01:51

A man goes into a pet store, looking for a pet. The salesman offers him cats, dogs, hamsters, even snakes; those just aren't right for him. So the salesperson motions him to come closer, and whispers about a new "pet" they have just gotten in - a catapillar. Not just any catapillar. A cooking, cleaning, talking, dancing lightning fast catapillar.

"Well, I can see why you are whispering! You'd be out of stock in no time! I'll take one."

So he takes his new pet home, and when he gets there he tells the catapillar to clean his living room. 5 minutes later the room is spotless! Thrilled, he tells the catapillar he is going to take a shower, and when he's done he wants a 5 course meal laid out at the table for him.

He gets out of the shower 10 minutes later and the catapillar has a feast of all feasts laid out. Steak, roast, three different kinds of potatoes, everything a proper dinner should have!

So the guys sits down to eat, but realizes he forgot to pick up milk from the store on his way home.

"Catapillar, go to the store and get me a carton of milk. Chop chop, I'm thirsty."

The catapillar goes out the door, and the guy sits at the table waiting for the milk.

A couple minutes go by and the catapillar hasn't returned. "Odd," the man thinks. "The store is right across the street."

10 minutes pass, no catapillar. 15 minutes pass... no catapillar. 30 minutes pass... no catapillar. Finally the guy gets worried, so he decides to look for his new pet.

He opens the door and the catapillar is sitting on the front porch.
"Catapillar, what's taking you so long????"

The catapillar replies:

"Give me a break, I have to get my shoes on."

Jan-28-2007 01:55

A man sits down alone at Thanksgiving to eat his turkey feast that he has cooked for himself. Just as he is about to take his first bite, he hears a knock at the door.

He answers the door, and before him he sees a slimy little snail. The snail looks up at him with big brown eyes and says "Oh please sir, could you spare some of your feast for a poor little snail like me?"

"NO" the man replies, and then he kicks the snail 20 feet.

A month passes, and the man sits down alone to his Christmas dinner that he has cooked. He is just about to take a bite when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees the snail sitting in front of him again.

The snail looks up at him and yells "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!"