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Jan-24-2007 23:11

Jan-25-2007 08:47

In the spirit of long, poor jokes:

A little girl sits crying on the docks of London. She sobs helplessly in to her handkerchief, "I'll never be a great ballerina unless I go to France and study, I'll never be a great ballerine etc etc"

A voice speaks from above, "Be silent little girl for there is no need to cry".

The little girl looks up, and sees no-one with her on the dock. Only a solitary seagull sits atop a stack of barrels.

To the little girl's astonishment the seagull speaks, "Yes little girl it was I that spoke. For I am a magic seagull, and if you cease your crying I will grant you your wish."

Well it was no sooner said than done - as is the way with children - and the little girl ceased her crying immediately.

The seagull nodded it's approval and said, "If you wish to go to France and train to be a ballerina go down to the shoreline. There you will find a raft. Sit patiently on this raft and your wish will come true."

The little girl stammered a thank you and rushed down to the shoreline. Sure enough there was a tiny raft waiting for her. She dutifully perched herself on top and waited.

As she patiently looked out over the English Chanel she saw a large flock of birds approaching. In fact the birds - pigeons - came right towards the little girl and surprisingly landed, circling the raft.

It was only then that the little girl noticed that around the edge of the raft, fine long strings were tied. Each pigeon proceeded to pick up one of these strings in their mouth, and before the little girl knew what was happening the pigeons launched as one into the air and pulled the raft (and the little girl) out into the Chanel.

... Well the journey went on for quite some time, for there was as stiff head breeze, and the little girl began to realise some of the pigeons were flagging. In fact one by one the pigeons out of sheer exhaustion let go of their long fine strings and tumbled away with the wind.

Soon the little girl was left in the middle of the English Chanel alone on her little raft; with the wind and the tide eventuall

Jan-25-2007 08:49

y taking her back to the shoreline where she started, and how we found her, alone and crying...

And the moral to this convoluted story, gentle reader?



Why, you'll never be a ballerina if your err pigeon-towed :D

Jan-25-2007 08:54

LMAO this IS cheering me up!

Jan-25-2007 11:45

Wow, I could use A LOT of cheering up these days. Break-ups are never fun, especially when months away from an engagement (don't anyone try to mention this to me). Oh well :) Thanks Serges and everyone for doing this, we really are one big awesome family.

Jan-25-2007 12:12

Ahh, how nice Serges to think of this - I don't often visit the message boards but this one caught my eye right away. I know what you mean, since the beginning of October, it has been nothing but grieving, loss, unexpected financial chaos, stress, extended family troubles, friend troubles, and finding out who my genuine friends are. Life is grand!

But on the plus side, the insomnia I have experienced (really bad lately) from all this led me to play Sleuth (well, and my boyfriend's suggestion to keep me busy) and catch up on reading even if the insomnia makes me not myself...lol

Hmmm, I can't think of any jokes but I do have a story I was telling someone this morning.

So not that long ago, I have my 8-year-old daughter, 7-year-old nephew, and a 5-year-old niece with me in the car. I am telling me nephew about something and he said, "I already knew that. I read it in the newspaper".

So my sassy daughter (I can't complain at the sassiness, she got it from me...lol) says in her parents-are-just-so-clueless voice, "Yeah Mom, didn't you know he can read the newspaper HEADLIGHTS".

So my nephew says, "Newspaper headlights - what are newspaper headlights".

My daughter says in her I-am-superior-to-you-because-I-am-8-months-older voice to my nephew, "How can you NOT know what headlights are???? You know what, I am NOT going to use big words with you because you just don't understand them".

Jan-25-2007 19:06

that's why i used to like watching "kids say the darndest things" because they really do, and it's funny...

Jan-25-2007 21:35

Ahh, yes...children are entertaining.

I am happy with my one and thankfully, I normally date people who don't want children. I guess if I could be convinced, I might change my mind but it would take a lot convincing...lol.

Another thing that is funny is the birds and the bees talk. My daughter asked me, "When do the machines come in?"

Jan-25-2007 22:49

I've had this one i my emaisl a few times recently..

A 4th grade class was asked to get their parent to tell them a story with a moral. When they came back to school the next day, Ms. Jones asked them to share their stories. Little Mary was first.

"My mommy told me a story about farming. We own a farm where we raise chickens, and one time, we had three dozen eggs in a basket, and we put that basket in the truck, and we drove to the market. On the way, we went over a big bump, and all the eggs cracked and made a big mess."

"And what was the moral?" Ms. Jones asked.

"Never put all your eggs in one basket." Mary chimed.

"Good. Now, Mark, what was your story?" Ms. Jones asked.

"My daddy told me a story about chicken farming too. One time, we got eight eggs from one chicken, but only seven off them hatched. The moral of my story is don't count your chickens before they hatch."

"Good. Johnny, would you like to share your story?"

"My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Rose. She was a pilot in World War Two, and she ran out of fuel right over enemy territory. All she had in the plane was a parachute, a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun with 70 bullets, and a machete. She jumped out of the plane, and drank the whiskey on the way down. She landed right in
front of 100 enemy troops. She killed the first 70 with the gun, then she killed 20 with the machete, then it broke, and she killed the last 10 with her bare hands."

"My goodness! What is the moral of this horrible story?" Ms. Jones cried, horrified.

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Rose when she's been drinking!"

Jan-25-2007 23:03

A little kitten got lost in the park and felt hungry after a while. She did notice the park was inhibited by lots of birds though. It so happened she spotted a pigeon with a broken wing. An easy prey so it seemed.

But then our little kitten spotted a big fat duck near the pont and it just seemed bigger and yummier to devour this duck instead of that pigeon. Our kitten assumed the position to sneak on the duck and with all her might she jumped right at him only to find out the duck outsmarted her so she ended up in the pont, poor kitty......

Moral of the story?

After some careful deliberation with myself I think it's best to ask me by PM

Jan-26-2007 00:41

My sister was in the Navy for several years as a single mother. I lived with my sister and my niece for a few of those years and helped care for my niece. One day shortly after I started living with them, Iwas taking my niece (she was 5 at the time) to school in the morning, and she looked at me and asked, "Tita, why don't you wear an outfit to work?"

It took me a few minutes to realize she was asking me why I didn't wear a "uniform" to work like her mother did. With an inward smile, I explained to her that not everybody wore a "uniform" to work, and that I didn't have to. Her little face scrunched up in thought and then cleared, and she looked at me with those wonderful child's eyes and asked me, "Is that what your Captain told you?"